I’ll Get You My Pretties!

ExposeTheTard writes:

I got an email the other day that was sent to myself and a few others complete with the picture below:

Subject: not even close to breaking me assholes

I feel neglected.  The only nasty-gram I’ve gotten from him was the $4000 PayPal invoice.   The rest of the entry is a copy of the email from Mr. Pacione.

You call yourselves “journalists” — come on, all you fucks are and consider yourselves to be faceless bloggers who are scared of the reality my name as an author . . .

I’ve never called myself a journalist; the term “investigative urinalist” is in my tagline.  One could call what I do on The Rusty Nail muckraking, but even that’s a stretch.

Noun 1. muckraking – the exposure of scandal (especially about public figures)

exposure – the disclosure of something secret; “they feared exposure of their campaign plans”

I don’t expose scandal, and Pacione is not a public figure.  I report what I know to be fact, and back it up with excerpts from Pacione himself.  Any speculation on my part is presented as such.

That might be too much information for you assholes to take in all at once, and you celebrate mid-list assholes who don’t deserve any acclaim.

I personally don’t celebrate any author, mid-list, NY Times bestseller, or otherwise.  I’ve given a few informal reviews to things I’ve read, and pointed out a few things that gave me pause.  They were honest, if sometimes hasty reviews.  I don’t have much of a feel for where the authors I’ve reviewed are on the food chain, to be honest.

ExposeTheTard has never given a review, and (s)he’s one of those who received the email in question.

It’s going to piss you off all the more that 2008 I will be getting a novel out there based off The FANDOM WRITER. That kind of story is written about fucks like you.

God spare us all.  A novel-length version of that laughable grudge-wank story about real authors is forthcoming?  It can’t possibly be about me, or ExposeTheTard.

I am going to take you assholes to hell, and prove that you fucks are going to see to it that I will never get a dime in this business.

That sentence doesn’t mean what he thinks it means.  It’s pretty much been proven that he’ll never makes a dime in publishing; he’s seen to that himself countless times.  That’s my favorite sentence of the whole email rant.

He Wants to Be the Next Danzig

ExposeTheTard has a new entry, with a few gems.

Yes, my ex referred to me as being a rat bastard; that is worst than being a sick bastard.

How so?  An average lab rat has cleanlier habits than Pacione.

What one had told me of the place is that the Marynole was not haunted — only that the teenagers of Glen Ellyn, Illinois had known otherwise about the place because of the ghost stories that were told about the old, Roman Catholic seminary about being watched by a dead priest in the shadows of the abandoned chapel.

Maryknoll Seminary was the subject of his story “Tales of an Abandoned Seminary.”  In a nutshell, Pacione trespassed, and all he found were some dead pigeons and headless dolls.

It was to my curiousity that I decided to take a look around inside of the infamos Marynole — I still remember what I had seen to this day, the images were straight out of an old horror tale written by H.P. Lovecraft or Robert Bloch.

Yes, dolls and pigeons are scary.

This place was also home of a Satanic Ritual, but the thing that drawn people to White’s Cemetery is that the churchyard had a phanton limoline — in fact, a friend of mine was chased by the phantasm throught the churchyard . . .

I think White’s Cemetery is the one from “Cuba Road.”  He ripped his jacket trying to climb over the fence.

If some would say that I am a bigot, ask my cousin Amie because she would understand why.

He sounds like he was raised in a family full of bigots.

Metal is the music that is in my heart and blood, if I could get a band going on the lines of Danzig I would be very happy.

This reminds me of the time on which he was talking about becoming “the throat” of some local band.  Seriously, he’s got the voice of a helium-inhaling gerbil.  He’s no more a musician than he is a writer.  He automatically thinks he has talent for anything he enjoys.  I’ve never seen him mention that he can actually play an instrument.  Even so, the vast majority of indie artists eke out a living by doing small gigs and teaching guitar or piano on the side.  Yet, in his mind, he’s entitled to make a living at anything that catches his fancy.

He’s One to Talk

For someone who writes a coherent sentence purely by accident, Mr. Pacione has some nerve ripping on someone else’s story.

. . . will say this much — the plot sucked, you
didn’t have much of a plot there and seems like this one was rushed.

[. . .]

You will not even begin the reach the levels
that I had worked 13 years at.

I don’t know sushisandwich, but I recognize the name from one of the communities at LJ, possibly Chicago_Gothic. I can’t read the story, but it’s a safe bet that it’s better than anything Pacione has written. He rips it for not having much of a plot. Most of his stories contain no plot whatsoever, and the few that do run along the lines of “I trespassed, poked around, got scared, and ran.” His own stories feel rushed; indeed, he brags about cranking them out in no time.

If I’d been writing for 13 years, you can bet I wouldn’t use the word “at” to end a sentence. That is taught in junior high, if not earlier.

*chants “Strunk and White”*

It is easy to say I am the American version of Simon when it comes to Literature.

Tell me another, please. This is outright delusional.

Lazy_Eyed_Psycho toys with Pacione in just the way that strokes his ego.

Do you have a lazy eye? I love Lazy Eyes!! I’m a psycho for them!! Nicky, you don’t mind f I call you that do you, I think you are HOT! I don’t know why these people are so antagonistic towards you, I think your writing is great, it’s so dark and gothic and scaary! They are all meanies!! Anyway, you should post more pictures of your face showing your lazy eye! I think it would be sexy!! Have you written a book? Cos I would love to read it!!

Bwahahaha! Excuse me while I kiss the porcelain throne.

B17e takes Pacione to task.

But damn, man, you need work too before your writing is good enough to justify criticism like that. You’re wordy as fuck with more extraneous, pointless phrases than I could ever hope to put


I am on disability because of my mental condition, the wild eye means I have the eyes that shift around everywhere. Some people think I am staring at them when I am not.

He’s possessed! I think we need an exorcism.


Pacione has a story up at WritersCafe titled “I.” It contains no fewer than 11 sentences that end with “of I,” “to I,” or “from I.” There are other sentences that embed those phrases in the middle. Even if Mr. Pacione were to learn the proper use of the word me, it wouldn’t change the fact that the story is about himself. They all are. Even “The Cabbie Homocide” is twisted around to be about himself.

“I” is also posted on AuthorsDen. It’s actually an old story from 2004. My guess is that Pacione just wants to fluff up his presence at WritersCafe by reposting old crap. There’s no date listed per se at WritersCafe, but it shows ©2007 at the bottom of the page.

Here’s a random line from the story:

Descending into the darkness one cannot begin to relate, not even the words that would come from I.

I wish I knew what that meant. Then again, maybe I am better off not knowing. As always, the story features a dream. Optional thematic elements include dust and children, but the children here aren’t chanting for their father Cthulhu. His stories read like the condiments section of an Indian menu. Pick any five of the dozen or so listed.

As Horrorgal points out, he’s been tinkering with his profile at WritersCafe.org. He wants all the single ladies out there to know he’s available.

The single bachelor is looking for a lady to be his Morticia Addams, (a minority in the genre being a single straight guy in the horror genre. Been single too damn long too, but eventually looking for the Mrs. Nickolaus Pacione. If that lady doesn’t mind the dark and mysterious type.)

If the lady doesn’t mind complete lack of personal hygiene and foul-smelling farts, Pacione’s her man.

He also lists “Flying Cigars” as being a “print exclusive” story, as well as a credit for specficworld.com’s webzine. That’s quite a trick.

I’m not sure what to make of this gem. He lists it in his “print exclusive”credits.

Ghosts In The Tornado — The Dark Magazine (reprint from Insomnia Magazine July / August 2007 then now being reprinted to Nickolaus Albert Pacione

All that tells me is that the same story is being printed in multiple places. I could use Kinko’s or Staples to do that.

Hertzy Comments

Nicky rules again with brilliant ideas:

I will be honest here — there been no way in hell I would be able to do a story for Chimeraworld 5. It would been a bitch to do.

[. . . ]

I made the stories work for Tabloid Purposes and I got a lot of good stories for Nickolaus Albert Pacione Delivers — I picked seven public domain stories too to show the readers where it all came from.

Stellar!  Mr. Pacione can’t get real submissions, so he goes for the public domain stories.

I always write a test story before I do the anthology in the direction I want it to go.

Where can I find those?  They are begging for a conglomerated shitty parody.  I ask too much, I know.

HTML Performed by Theo Wolfe

Mr. Pacione’s 1999 story “Loss of Blood,” explains why he used the alt TheoWolfe for a while. It was one I hadn’t seen before ExposeTheTard reeled off a list. This story explains the details of when he was assaulted in Mason City on February 9, 1999.

From this story, we learn:

  • that Theodore Wolfe is a pseudonym Pacione used
  • Pacione used to rat on others for smoking weed
  • his experience in Mason City was remarkably similar to his experience at Glenbard East
  • the way to hitch a ride in Mason City is to call the youth pastor
  • he once held a job in a store in which a large rat bit him
  • the incident happened in two separate locations
  • how to use both first person and third person references in a single sentence
  • that Pacione has incredible peripheral vision
  • he was working on his final revisions to the story on the day of the assault
  • how to spell his former fiancee’s name two different ways
  • that Pacione himself published his son’s and former fiancee’s names online, publicly

Continue reading

Nicky the Martyr

Again, I have ExposeTheTard to thank for this gem of a profile for Mr. Pacione, dating back eight years, to when he was 24, and hot to trot, ladies. Only Pacione would use his profile to post a rant.

The Basics
Member Name: urbanizedsin
Name: Nickolaus Albert Pacione
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Marital Status: Single and Looking
Occupation: webmaster, writer
Location: Morris, IL

[. . .]

Those that are from Hampton, Iowa, and openly are judgemental can go suck on a monkey’s genitialia. The staff at the Mason City Public Library can go to hell for banning my ass — you tried to kill my site by banning me, I was beat down in the name of the First. I am a martyr of free speech and press.

Martyr, my ass. He’s gotten so many of his accounts shut down because he has threatened many people and repeatedly violated TOS. I heard about the library incident years ago, but until now was unable to place a time frame to it. It had to have been 1999 or earlier.

I am gothic in my own right since I write of things that are dark, but at the same it could and has happened in reality. I write about people’s phobias.

No. He writes about his own phobias: arachnaphobia, claustrophobia, and apiphobia, to name a few. He also writes about his own mental illnesses. At various times, he’s described himself as “manic depressant,” bipolar, and megalomaniac. Paranoia and delusions come with the territory, so to speak, and he displays them in abundance, both in his blog entries and in his short stories.

He likes to write, but is not a professional writer. He has no professional credits. I like to play hockey, but that doesn’t make me Wayne Gretzky. I haven’t won a Stanley Cup. Winning a few pick-up games on the local pond doesn’t exactly count, any more than his “success” getting Lulu.com to print his dreck.

This has to be the strangest thing I’ve ever seen Mr. Pacione write.

It seems like Koehler just committed an act of Jihad on my ass. Yep she’s the type that would ram a pair of jets into someone’s business like that. That is a fuck you rant of fuck you rants right there, Koehler you’re the one who is holding writers hostage bitch!

I’m still trying to decipher that last sentence.

He links to a five page article he posted on Associated Content.  He rated his own article a 4.0 of 5.0.  I think the article is nothing but a huge rant against Ms. Koehler in particular, and mid-list horror authors in general, but it’s really hard to tell.

The only snail oil sales lady is the person trying to put a hex on the series and succeeded to get one author stabbing in the back in the process.

What on earth is snail oil?  Is it a hot commodity?

Rivalries like this do go on for years and I am trying to avoid it in the sense that I am just trying to get the authors discovered and paid along the way.

First, he’s the one who drags out imaginary rivalries.  Second, paying authors if and when he feels pressured to do so isn’t exactly considered professional.

Doing Tabloid Purposes is always been something to get an author out there – either new or established alike, but always had that small bunch of mid-list assholes going around making their lives difficult for that reason.

For what reason?  I don’t buy into the premise that mid-list authors waste their time and energy discouraging aspiring writers.  What would be their reason?  Because they contributed to one of the Toilet Paper anthologies, or because they are new authors?  Either way, a TP contributor has a long way to go to become a rival to any mid-list author.

From what I can tell, any “rivalry” among mid-list authors tends to be rather friendly.  Authors aren’t really competing for readers.  It’s not as if a reader will toss a coin and decide to read Author A instead of Author B if it lands heads-up.

I am going to use her own words against here, don’t be afraid to use the internet to learn more about the author – there are three sides to the story, theirs – yours, and the truth.

I beg to differ — slightly.  The third side of the story is the one that can be documented, and not easily electronically altered.

I am not going to blow sunshine up someone’s ass when I don’t like a story that I read, and when I like the story a lot I will e-mail the author asking if they would want to be part of the magazine or part of an anthology

If I don’t like a story I read, I normally will point out in a review, politely, what I think is wrong with it:  grammar, spelling, plot, story flow, dialog, etc.  If I like it, I will say what I like about it.  Since almost every book I buy is professionally edited, I don’t expect to find much more than a few typos that escaped proofreading.

Be lucky this isn’t the century of Andrew Jackson. Otherwise I’d be drawing a duel – two guns, take ten paces turn around and open fire at each other.

I envision Hamilton vs. Burr, with Pacione playing the role of Aaron Burr.

When I see online names like I think when I see something that is good in my eyes – I will do everything I can to get the author discovered. I pay them yes, but also the bigger payout is when they see their story on the big screen.

So, when does “TP, the Movie” come to a Clearview or Loews near me?

So being a print on demand author has a few strikes against me and working with lulu.com has the natives restless.

Lulu.com appears to be the kiss of death unless you want to print calendars or greeting cards.  It’s a printer, perhaps a notch above Kinko’s in quality, but a printer nonetheless — not a publisher.

Stalking me on Reunion.com and going around digging all the dirt you can about me. I will say this right now – there is a war waiting to brew and she’s starting the jihad, a holy war.

What’s up with “jihad” other than it’s become Pacione’s latest verbal tic?  “Stalking me on reunion.com” is what throws me for a loop.  If his tirade is about Ms. Koehler, where would stalking and some reunion website fit into the puzzle?

People like this one person calling me the snail oil salesman will fail, they’re designed to fail.

Anyone who attempts to sell “snail oil” will indeed fail.

I think when someone like that is trying to force hiatus on someone – that’s a jihad waiting to happen.

He’s got the definition of jihad wrong, but he did finally manage to spell hiatus correctly.  Mr. Pacione is making progress!

If you want to know what I am talking about look no further than her rant the blog she made on November 19, 2007.

Pacione didn’t link to it, but I believe he’s referring to this entry.  The comments are amusing.  Personally, I think Ms. Koehler’s entry about Googling everything and everyone is right on the mark.

The Rusty Nail = KKK

Thanks to a tip from “Agent,” we have this gem. Allegedly it was posted and removed, but is back on Blogspot.

The original tip comes from comment # 7 here. The original Blogspot entry that disappeared seems to have been edited and expanded since being removed. Pacione’s been doing this a lot lately.

I want to say this right now — there are two words I am going to say to the fucker who calls himself valentinevegen and they are these two, piss off. I am going to make that interview available that was taken down from Skullring.org, and I thought Staggs was a stronger individual than that.

So Matt removed the interview from his “Skullring.org” Blogspot. I did not know that, but found it very interesting, because he left it up there for quite a long time.

Seeing a site like The Rusty Nail stalking forums I call home too — the fact that they’re pathetic little white trash fucks who basically go around wearing white robes and pointy hats. Yes I am calling them KKK.

That must explain this picture:

KKK Rest in Hell

You assholes are in violation of what they call freedom of speech and expression.

Actually, Mr. Pacione thinks freedom of speech only applies to him and not to the rest of us. As long as I stay within the fair use provisions of the U.S. copyright law, as I have thus far, he can’t get this blog shut down. He’s already tried, to no avail.

Who’d thought a guy from the Midwest can cause so much noise that would disturb the universe.

Good god, his megalomania never fails to astonish. He’s not even disturbing the dust bunnies in granny’s basement.

I might put an anthology together of all the entries that would stand out with this blog too dealing with other writers and dealing with the blogtards that are out there and this would be the assholes behind Encyclopeda Dramatica.

[. . .]

I am tempted to publish stories by people who have had bad dealings with that site, not talking types who write slash and that shit — I am looking for the real people who have their horror stories to tell about that site and how they ruined their life. This is the only way I can really follow up this book is to run a true story anthology by people who’ve been harassed by that site. I am encouraging you all to come forward.

What a moron. Pacione will never get Encyclopedia Dramatica shut down. And he will never scare up enough people dissed by it who would contribute a story to him.

His entry runs on forever. It’s only worth reading if you want to kill some time before crashing for the evening.