Review: Another Day in the Corp

“Another Day in the Corp” is another story from Mike Philbin, written in second person, about the drudgery of corporate life.  It was posted, here, in Decomp, A Literary Magazine.

09:59 – Blood is leaking out of one eye as you think about your first fag-break of the day. You’ve never had that before. You’ve had dry eye because the sweating oaf you’re forced to sit next to uses an electric fan in an air-conditioned office. You’ve had chronic ulcers in your mouth from biting your lip in creative meetings. You’ve had a scar on your forehead where you’ve head butted the bathroom mirror as a form of stress release. But you’ve never had blood leaking out of your eye on the Tube before.

Why are you riding the tube to work an hour late?  Why, if you haven’t arrived at the office yet, are you worried about taking a break from work?  Just light up on the walk between the tube stop and the office, and smile for the pretty cameras at every intersection.

Still, I’m a little confused.  Is the subject a horned lizard?  And, how does one get sores inside one’s mouth from biting one’s lip?  Or do lips grow inside one’s mouth, and I missed the memo?

Some chick sitting across from you looks up from her ‘Hello,’ that sneer on her face. You all call them chicks in the office because you’re a gang of boy-slaves who’ve been indoctrinated into the Tart Culture by every single ‘product’ you’ve ever worked on.

Or is it because you can’t think of anything more interesting to call women?

Girls are dental-floss wearing sluts with dual katanas / dual barettas / dual dildos. Women are pimps with a chain gun / with a rocket launcher / with a finger on the button of Global Thermonuclear suicide, and a scar over her eye.

That’s better!

10:07 – you all call him The Cockrel because of the way he struts about the office like he owns the place, your boss is standing there scowling at his watch as you scuttle past.

Yeah, well, you’re over an hour late.  If this has become a habit, he’s probably looking for an excuse to fire you.  That said, I think the author’s been watching too many bad sitcoms.

You don’t even show disdain or disbelief or anger that the last two years of your hard work won’t be going into the final product. They pay you, after all, why should you care what bits of your expertise they use? Well, isn’t it the principle? All the animation that went into the ‘windmills’…every game you will ever work on will have a windmill in it. And as games have gotten more and more ‘roundy’ or ‘shimmering with mind-blowing realism,’ as the guy in PR delivers the dream to publishers and distributors, you’ve been constraining each and every cog in that windmill AND baking out particle simulation for corn, dust and caustics. All gone now. A mote of sunlight skitters across the Parthenon floor swallowed by clouds.

The author’s tilting a little too hard at that windmill.

12:59 – you realise you’ve been asleep for…three hours.

So, the subject’s been riding the tube back and forth for at least three hours, and never actually arrived at the office?  Now I’m really confused.  The time line isn’t helping.

13:10 – never drink beer in the lunch hour.

[. . .]

13:11 – by the coffee percolator, smelling of beer and cigs, “Where’s Dave?” you ask someone who knows everything. “Dave? Where’ve you been the last few weeks? Dave’s moved on to a better place. Passed over. Into Te.Le.Vi.Sion.”

Our subject sounds like a full-time stoner to me.

18:48 – a memo goes round titled ‘Chinese food order’—a change is as good as a rest. And you choose your regular chicken fried rice and curry sauce, how sad is that? A memo goes round about the state of the smoking area. Is this really the best way to greet one’s employees tomorrow morning? Three minutes later another memo goes round . . .

Because memos are never sent out during normal office hours.  Who sends around a memo for food orders?  Doesn’t someone just decide to place an order for delivery, and pop by in person to ask a few others if they want to go in on it?

Yeah, it gets no better than this.

Sadly, that is the best the story gets.

Phailbin Banninated

This is hilarious.

But as of YESTERDAY AFTERNOON UKtime, I am BANNED from posting on the Prison Planet Forum with no idea why and no warning that anything I was saying was going to lead to such. The general concensus, from speaking to people who’re still in the loop and just ‘keeping quiet’ or ‘not testing the mods’ is THERE’S A PURGING OF THE THINKERS.

[. . .]

To the good friends(truth investigators) of Prison Planet forum I say this, “Let it be known that I am not OFFLINE, I am BANNED.” If the mods of Prison Planet forum had any common decency, they’d DELETE my Profile and they’d DELETE all the positive posts I’ve contributed to THE AWAKENING over the last few years. At least CLEAR THE DECKS of dissent, right?

All together now . . . BAWWWWWW.

Is this a corollary to Internet Argument number 6, Mikey?  Rather than flounce on the board itself and demand to be banned, claim on your own blog that you were, in fact, banned, and beg them to delete your profile, and all evidence of whatever pissed off the mods.  ‘Cause you just know the mods and all your fans will flock to your blog to read all about the injustice of it all.

*facepalm*

As Predicted, Nicky’s New Submission Call

Our favorite darkity dark greasy gothy midget has a new submission call announcement.  Although I expected him to put out a new submission call after he had announced the completion of three more short stories, I thought it’d be for Ethereal Gazette, or possibly for another TP.

This project doesn’t have a title yet but when I get the stories I will come up with one. There will be three books planned for this. Since ralan.com isn’t running my GL’s I am relying on facebook and myspace to make it happen.  When the first Tabloid was done, the guidelines were just on Xanga.com (so go and bombblast the message boards with this.)

He lost his Xanga account after he used it to send Horrorgal a direct death threat.  It’s sort of irrelevant, though, since nobody uses Xanga anymore.  Still, I find it amusing that he’s using MySpace and Facebook to beg people to post about it on message boards for him.

This is what I am seeking, Gothic Horror Fiction without the erotic content (violent and visceral perfect. Think a Grindhouse take on gothic horror. Read House of Spiders 3 for an idea what I want. Hit hard — very hard with it. I want this to go toe to toe with Chimeraworld, but on a more epic scale — Mike be prepared to have run for your money.

Ooh.  Be scawwed, Mikkake — be vewwy, vewwy scawwed.  Or not.

It’s typical Nikita.  Violence and gore is fine, but no sex.

Be sure to include social commentary (drug abuse, suicide, anti-abortion [I’m pro-life — my story for this is done. I needed a vehicle to unleash it}, political violence, mental illness, war, and God — it’s a secular anthology but I want to feature three Christian authors if they can do the Grindhouse style . . . I want a raw vulgar display of power.

So, one of his stories is pro-life.  Whoop-de-do.  I don’t generally think of vulgarity and Christianity as going together, but I’m not Nicky.

Send submissions to Lakefossilpress@gmail.com as a .doc attachment This is a 4theluv project and will be distributed at night clubs when I do signings. The Page count I am aiming for is 280 pages (And will be published with lulu.com in Association with AuthorsDen.com, with an ISBN so it would be sold on Amazon.com.

In other words, the authors won’t even get contributor copies, .pdf or otherwise.  He just gets cheaper and cheaper as the years go by, but at least this time he’s not lying about what the contributors will receive.

I want this thing to be the most brutal and the darkest thing I ever produced . . . Fist time writers welcome . . .

No erotica, but fisting is welcome?  Is there a new “safe schools” czar?  Chicago cronyism?  Nicky, Nicky, Nicky.  Bad boy!

The DEADLINE — June 1, 2010. Pubdate — my birthday. Publisher: AUTHORSDEN.com with Lulu.com.

Patchy still doesn’t know what a publisher is.  Why does this not surprise me?  Never mind that he’s given himself two whole months to “edit” and produce the book.  Of course, he never did specify the year of publication, but I can’t imagine him spending more than a year on anything.  I wonder what shitty photo he’ll use for the cover.  I vote for the one with the headless pigeon.  It’s appropriate for anyone who would be stupid enough to send him a story.

Hertzie Release

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen.  Mikkake just announced that Chimeraworld 6 is available at Lulu.

you can now purchase Chimeraworld #6 (new world order) in American format 6″ by 9″ trade paperback from Chimericana Books. 170 pages of the most revelatory stories . . .

Let’s see:  with 22 stories, going by the rule-of-thumb 500 words per page, that’s less than 4000 words per story, on average.  Hertzie doesn’t think much of readers’ attention spans, let alone readers themselves.

The $13.96 price seems steep for a measly 170 pages.  Besides, I thought he thought he advised us not to buy and/or read it, in one of his previous blog entries.  I wonder whether he’ll make this announcement on SL.

You’re quite welcome for the free publicity, Mikkake.  Try not to choke on it.

Phailbin Bumps Up His Release Date

Mikkake, in addition to posting on his blog about conspiracy theories and/or embedding videos about them, announced that he’ll release Chimeraworld 6 in about a week or so.

yes, I’ve decided to bring publication of CHIMERAWORLD 6 (new world disorder) forward to ‘some time mid-October 2009’.

Why?

Well, let’s put it this way, “Why do you fucking care?”

We don’t.

Chimeraworld 6 (new world disorder) is a 160 pages, presenting 22 writers from around the world who’ve woken up to the dire future of corporate tyranny. I’ll bring it out in American format trade paperback via Chimericana Books in a couple of days’ time.

That was posted on the 7th.  Since October has 31 days, the 9th doesn’t even qualify as being in the middle third of the month.  His math is as good as Daggy’s.

Don’t bother buying it.

We won’t.

It’s only going to upset you.

Not if we don’t read it, it won’t.  Probably would have a vastly different effect than that, even if we were to bother reading it.  Groaning and eye rolling aren’t expressions of being upset.

What the fuck do you care about the future of your planet, your life and the life of your kids? I’ll tell you what you care … ABSOLUTELY FUCK ALL.

What I care “fuck all” about is his damn book.

As for having 22 stories, wasn’t this thing supposed to have 24?  I seem to recall an earlier announcement, on SL I think, about it having 23 slots filled, with Mikkake keeping one open for a last minute acceptance.
Anyway, I’ve got to take a shower and get my rear in gear.  I’ll check in later.

Who’s A Petulant Whiny Boy Now?

A few days ago, Phailbin (who else?) posted on SL about Chimeraworld 6.  As of yesterday, if there was any drama, I missed it.  At the time, the thread contained nothing but Mikkake’s original post, two days old, with no replies.

I thought nothing of it until this morning, when a reader tipped me off to its current status.  Hoo boy!  It looks bad enough when someone bumps his/her own thread, unless perhaps it relates to an upcoming convention, or something newsworthy and relevant to many people.  It looks even worse when the thread bump is merely a petulant whine.

Oh, you deleted my SECOND movie of martial law on Your Fucking Streets – fine – head in the sand, if you like. But I notice other threads are allowed to mention BLACK HELICOPTERS and MILITARY JETS spooking their homes. Have a look at the military presence on the streets at Pittsburg’s G20

So, Matty deleted a video clip that Phailbin posted?  Does this mean that Matt is finally coming to his senses?  One can only hope, but the odds are against it.

Have a little stilton with that whine, Mikkake.  Maybe a few sour grapes too.  Toss in a few (wal)nuts, for that perfect dessert tablescape, a la Sandra Lee from Food Network.  How she got her own show is beyond me, but that’s another story.

So, the G20 meeting is taking place in Pittsburgh.  Whoop-de-doo.  Spell the name of the city correctly, to raise your credibility, just a smidge, Phail-boy.  But what would a putz from Oxford, England know about spelling the names of American cities?

Aside from that, increased police presence, blocked-off streets, etc., are the norm for a few days, for any city hosting one of these conferences.  It’s SOP around the UN building in NYC, whenever some big shindig’s happening.  Adding extra police presence, temporarily, in a small chunk of a city surrounding the conference area, is not the same as flooding the streets with military personnel.  It’ll cause traffic gridlock, and annoy a lot of people who live and/or work in the area, for 2-3 days, but that’s about it.

The Mickster followed up with his author roster for Chimeraworld 6.  I recognize three names on the list:  Justin Oldham, Alex Severin, and Tim Lieder.  The fact that I’ve never heard of any of the other writers means nothing.

Oldham is a guy from Alaska who was (maybe still is) active on the Silverthought forum board.  He used to pal around on the board with Lorenzo, and that Roy C. Dudgeon guy from Winnipeg, who edited Satirica, from Cowboy Logic Press, run by Roger Haller.  Larry was banned from the Silverthought forum.  There are some old connect-the-dots lines between them all, but as far as I can tell, Mr. Oldham is just a guy who writes his stories, and isn’t picky about who will publish them, despite the damage it might do to his reputation.

Alex Severin is a name I keep seeing on Mikkake’s stuff.  It means little to me, other than it rings a bell.  A very quiet one.  She probably should discontinue her association with Mikkake, but my advice is free, and worth maybe tuppence.

What really disappoints me is Tim Lieder’s name on the list.  Tim should know better.  He’s funny, irreverent, and is a nice guy.  Why he hooked up with Phailbin is a mystery to me, but I’m sure he has a reason.

Further Proof Mikkake Can’t Count

At first, this seemed like another typical conspiracy theory entry.  It is, to be sure, but it’s also funny in its own way.

Ray McGovern is a retired CIA officer. McGovern was employed under seven US presidents for over 27 years, presenting the morning intelligence briefings at the White House under Presidents Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush.

Not sure where the “over 27 years” figure came from, but going back 32 years, there have only been six U.S. Presidents.  In order for there to have been seven in 27 years, all would have had to be one-termers, and as we know, Reagan, Clinton and Dubya were all two-termers.

When one says “over 27,” it implies somewhere between 27 and 28.  If we back up 28 years, to the summer of 1981, we’ve only had five presidents.  The most recent seven presidents include Gerry Ford, who left office in January, 1977 — nearly 33 years ago.

Why say “over 27” when you have to go back at least five more years to find that seventh president?  It’s not technically incorrect, any more than saying a 70 year old is “over three,” but if I hear someone referred to as being “over three,” I immediately think the person’s a toddler.  If seven presidents is correct, why not say “over three decades”?

Another, older entry of his from 9/7, is back to his New World Order garbage.

What’s the big interest suddenly in this ‘thing that doesn’t exist’? Are the sheeple finally beginning to question the events of 9/11 or 7/7 or Surveillance State legislation/machinations since? Spontaneous demonstrations at town hall meetings all over the States suggest so.

No, you idiot; it suggests no such thing.  Peaceful, albeit contentious, demonstrations at town hall meetings are a response to the proposed Health (S)care bill, which few, if any, of our congressmen have read. Obama himself admits he’s not familiar with provisions in the bill, yet he’s sending out the union goons to silence dissent.

The only people who seem to want nationalized health care are the congressmen and unions who will be exempt from being forced to enroll in it.  As it is, the rest of us stand to be forced into it, under threat of being fined, no less.  In fact, the town hall meetings didn’t get ugly until the Obama administration encouraged the union thugs to attend and rough up people who voice legitimate concerns.

This is no different, conceptually, than sending in UAW thugs to enforce a mandate that people who already have a perfectly good car, or have no need for one, buy a new Govenment Motors car, and billing whoever refuses to do so $2500 a year.   It has absolutely nothing to do with 9/11.

Mikkake Wants Your Money

Hat tip:  Lewis

Phailbin refuses to run adverts on his blog, so he thinks you should reward him by sending him your hard earned money.

as most of you know, this is a staunchly anti-corporate blog and I made a conscious decision a long while back to not take any corporate advertising . . .

[. . .]

If you want to contribute to this continued PERSONAL FREE NEWS SERVICE, please consider making a financial donation via the PayPal button at the top right of this blog.

Several things about this made me laugh.  His blog is hosted at Blogspot, which of course is owned by Google.  Not only is Google a huge corporation, but also it’s American.  Yes folks, Mr. anti-American anti-corporation is using one of the biggest American corporations to spread his drivel.  I love it.

Then, there’s the issue of Phailbin calling his blog a “news service.”  That’s like calling this blog news.  Um, no . . . it’s more like a place to rubberneck and discuss the crashworthiness of the vehicle(s) involved.  I could probably get an entire essay out of how newsworthy Phailbin’s blog isn’t.  Debunked conspiracy theories and reports from art exhibits aren’t news.  They don’t even really qualify as op-ed pieces.

To top it off, he seeks donations through PayPal, which has a dreadful reputation for freezing people’s accounts and holding their money.  A quick Google or Yahoo search will turn up loads of info on that.

So, step right up and send Mikkake your dollars or pounds.  Seriously, he could just get himself on the dole like Lorenzo.

I suspect this is just a social experiment on Mikkake’s part.  He wants to see if anyone’s stupid enough to actually send him money.