Hat tip: Lewis
Our favorite malcontent ostensibly reviews Sarah Pinborough’s Tower Hill from Leisure Books. That’d be nifty, if he, you know, reviewed the book in question. Except, he didn’t.
Well, not to put a dampener on this noble quest, but Sarah Pinborough’s most recent Leisure Books novel TOWER HILL continues in the footsteps of the totally-annoying IN THE DARK (Richard Laymon) and the totally-lacklustre DARK HOLLOW (Brian Keene) . . .
Yes folks, Mikkake can’t make it past his second paragraph without taking stabs at Mr. Laymon and Mr. Keene. So when do we get to the part that contains the book review itself?
TOWER HILL has all the staple elements of dietary horror we the consumer needs, right? It’s got the sinister painted cover. It’s got the New England setting. It’s got the college. And the church. Should be a winner, right? Wrong. That’s been done. To death. You’re a writer? You’re a writer of horror? Always stay away from archetypal corporate imagery.
Wow. A college and a church in New England . . . go figure. Because there aren’t supposed to be colleges or churches in New England, or something like that. What either has to do with corporate imagery is beyond me.
Colleges and universities in this country solicit private donations, whether or not they receive government funding. Churches pass the hat, so to speak, during services, and do not receive government funding. Both are tax-exempt, unlike corporations, or even privately owned small businesses.
. . . not when I’m waiting for the HORROR to start for nigh on 200 pages. It’s an adult book – so scare me already. But no, it continues on in its amazingly twee mid-Atlantic fashion about french fries and goin’ t’ church and cardigans.
That is as close as Phailbin comes to talking about the content of the book. His lack of knowledge about U.S. geography is astonishing, given how much attention he pays to this country. For the record, Mikkake, only NY/NJ/PA really count as Mid-Atlantic states. Some people would add Delmarva to that, and possibly even WV, but I don’t. Delaware and Maryland are neither northern nor southern states; Virginia and West Virginia are definately southern. At least, their residents think so. Not a single state in New England is even on that extended list.
Your common-or-garden horror writer knows what his daddy says he should write and he’s a good little boy, or girl in Sarah’s case.
No, Mikkake — (s)he and the publisher know what will sell.
But then I remembered back to my other all-too-intimate soujourns with Leisure Books and it all started to make sense and I knew what Leisure were trying to do, and it’s a genius plan; they’re ever-so-softly breaking into the teen market . . .
I haven’t read Tower Hill, so I have no business assessing its target market, but if a few books that Leisure publishes are geared toward the YA market, so flippin’ what?
I mean, after all, it’s a dumbed down public out there, no more so than the spoilt teens, mentally injured by their mobile phones and sodium fluoride in their drinking water, to whom this book is really being pitched by the publisher.
Whoop-de-doo! What in the hell is wrong with an enjoyable read that even teenagers might like?
And, when would you like to get around to talking about the plot of the book, or characters, Mikey? “This sucked, people wore sweaters in church, and I hate teens and Leisure Books” doesn’t exactly count as a review. Neither does naming two authors with Leisure who have nothing whatsoever to do with the book in question.
That reminds me . . . I need to review one of Kim’s books, as well as Louise’s. Moving house, getting the old one on the market, adopting new kitties, getting them settled in, and just the dog days of summer, in general, have made me a bit sluggish and lazy.
Nothing but jealousy on Phailbin’s part. The fact he couldn’t write anything close to being publishable by Leisure sends him round the bend; granted it’s a short trip for him. I read the book when it was released in July of ’08 and thought it was a pretty good read. Perhaps the fact she’s a Brit as well is the salt in Mikkake’s festering wound of poor writing.
Mikala can’t even do a decent book review. Like I said, if he and Lorry spent more time honing their craft, maybe they could get lucky and end up being published by the big boys and get out of fer-da-luv! hell.
Tower Hill was a good read, but not one of Sarah’s best works.
And maybe he’s bitter because she very kindly called his “preview” of BUKKAKKE WORLD utter shite?
That’s like him to carry that sort of grudge into his work. Any public forum to let him post his screed …
Victor, where did Sarah comment on his utter shit?
‘maybe he’s bitter’
A hit! A palpable hit!
It was awhile back on shitlines. He posted the first chapter for Bukkake and she posted on there that she found it repulsove and repetitive. But she was cool about it and said that it just wasn’t her cup of tea, so to speak. She didn’t do it to be mean, she just answered a question he asked her. I guess it struck a nerve.
I also found the first few pages of Bukkake to be repulsive. Those were posted on Goodreads.com. Jizz shooting out of an alarm clock to blind you? Gross. I’m sure that’s what Mikkake was looking for, reaction-wise, but it didn’t exactly make anyone want to keep reading.
He went ballistic on Janrae, for not reading more than his freely posted pages before trying to get her assessment yanked from the site. Good lord — how many pages worth of that does anyone have to read before not wanting to buy the book?
He got pissed at Sarah for her intial remarks. So when she posted a follow up she gave it a thorough critique. It didn’t sit well with him it looks like.
Grudge wank worthy of SF_Drama?
And what’s wrong with the YA market? Thanks to twilight and other tween oriented books that market is getting bigger and bigger! Kids have more money now than when I did as a kid, and they’re reading!
Of course it’s not about whichever book or story he’s reviewing…it’s all about HIM! He’s just mad and envious because the people he excoriates are selling period. Something neither he nor his fellow nitwits have ever been-or ever will be–able to accomplish.
I remember that little tizzy on Goodreads well. He was threatening to have me extradited to UK for defamation of character on the basis of my review.
He definitely has no grasp of the concept of writing something worth reading if he wishes to get more sales.
I think he is the one who simply doesn’t understand what a good horror story is about.
Cuss, I don’t think he has a grasp on reality.
Thanks for remembering Rusty and I look forward to hearing your opinion of my latest!
Seriously. If they wrote something I could read more than a page or two of I’d buy it! If I can’t make it through even one page I’m not going to waste my money. I’m going to spend it on something readable.
It’s the New World Order’s fault that Phailbin can’t sell anything. Leisure books owns the president.
Wonder if this is the same “publisher” that is in trouble with Fangoria and others? Of course, given their quality control when it comes to the “reviews” they feature, it wouldn’t be a surprise:
http://www.fangoria.com/home/news/1-latest-news/3422-plagiarism-whats-the-bloody-deal.html
Can’t say for certain — not without a better look at what Fangoira cites. Plus Mikkake’s not the only reviewer there…