This is classic. Nicky posted a link to “Inquisition Revisited,” which I already covered. He solicits comments, but only in email — not on the thread at SL that he started about it.
INQUISTION REVISITED – this is a really dark transgressive yarn for me. It brought out some of my inner demons to write this one because I was demonized by the church in Mason Shithole, Iowa, because I wear black clothing and held the custody of my son like a carrot dangling over a horses head. I make fun of two religious leaders in this short story. All feedback for the story, please respond by e-mail — flames of me will go on the wall of shame on my blogspot.com blog. I have one article done that weighs in at 9,000 words that I am planning to throw up somewhere — but trying to find a host that will not censor anything in this one.
It looks like he’s trolling for two things: email addresses so he can send people private nastygrams, and material to use for his blog to try to prove how meeeeeean people are being to him, to justify himself to his family members.
“Send me an email telling me what you think of my story, so I can feature you on my blog and bombard you with abusive email.” Who could possibly resist such a come-on? I predict this will sit neglected for a day or two before someone finally replies.
Wow, he just gets dumber all the time.
He’s like some perpetual stupid machine.
He can email me at nickysucks at totallyoblivious dot org.
It’s already off page one… probably because no one will read it.
He can email my nordic ass at submissions@etherealgazette dot cum
Aside from the Shocklines threads we haven’t really seen any public Nicky crap for a lot of this week. It’s mostly been PM’s and e-mails with happy subject lines such as “piss off you fat queer” in reply to my query about whether or not as a horror target I was entitled to a contributors copy due to providing inspiration.
It’s never anything but entertaining when the bone-dead stupid make pitifully transparent attempts to outwit the smart.
NIckolaus “fat horse blank pages closet gay” Pacione emailing a writer “piss off you fat queer” is the kind of irony that makes me believe in a higher power, because there’s got to be a a greater power at work to enable something like that to happen.
I’m making a Nicky Bingo template. Help me out with the squares. So far I’ve got the following:
Horror target
Diner
Anthologies
Expose you
Investigative journalist
Controversial writer
Jagoff
Chicago
Death Threat
Threat of Violence
Elder abuse
Copyright violation
Underground scene
What more squares to we need to play Nicky Bingo online?
I’m a hard man
Don’t mess with Italians
Faggot
Piss, double points if it’s piss bloggers
I’m friends with rock bands
Richard Matheson
Been published in Withersin magazine (it’s getting to the point where I might start submitting crap to them just to see if they’ll accept it so I can go “ooh me too”)
Well, you’ve quite clearly overlooked both his oft used F-words (the one alternately used to refer to a stick of wood, and the usual 4 letter F-bomb).
“Creative” variations on same, e.g., “fatherfucker” and “chickenfuck”, ought to feature in there somewhere as well.
^ And everything Lewis said that I forgot to mention as well.
(Sakes, we could come up with enough of those to play 8-dimensional bingo…)
Don’t forget:
Hides behind disability
Claims to be a disabled veteran
Threatens children
HEAVY METAL!
Also Jeebus save us, we’ve got another 9k word whine to look forward to… I’m going to need to stock up on the booze I can see.
“I didn’t just him. I actually jumped into the knee strile — the person when I gave him a strong effort. I couldn’t rember how fast that move was but went done it will br done with s fewjard abes for about 2 houres a dady at night.” –Pacione
Ladies and Gentlemen, I do believe we have found the blurb for the back cover of NickoLOL – The Anthology. With this as blurb, what other recommendation could we possibly need for the book? It is… perfection!
Sounds fun.
Heh whenever someone references “fatherf**er” it shows how far back they go with him. That used to be his favorite insult. I don’t see him using that so much anymore.
I like auto’s bingo idea since he is predictable. You should randomize them once you’re done so people don’t have the same ones.
Mosh Pit master!
http://autoaim.org/nickybingo.jpg
Oh damn… randomization! Crap!
I think I might have had too much contact with Nicky now. His severe case of “the dumbs” is apparently contagious to some degree. I didn’t even think about that. Everyone will get BINGO at the same time, lol
Oh well, here’s the .doc file anywyay.
http://autoaim.org/nickybingo.doc
Is there any good bingo resource out there that’ll spit out bingo cards according to user input?
Autoaim: just a heads up, Threatens Children is repeated twice.
I’m looking forward to this bingo.
And Autoaim, you’re another person who makes me wish I were 30 years younger just so I could chase you around. Your “Nordic ass” is awesomely handsome.
OT, I named a character Ilmarinen. You wouldn’t happen to know where I stole it from?
corpse raper
copyright rape
band promoter
vlog
take that down
censorship
waahmbulance
e-police
e-lawyers
photojournalist
library kicked me out
anal induced disease
now or days
literary (aka literally)
Crap! I knew there was something I had forgot. I noticed that “threatens children” was in there twice, but I forgot to change it. Oh well, I’ll just change it and re-upload. New version up in five.
…and Ilmarinen is a character from the finnish national epic Kalevala
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kalevala
*flexes buns*
You could do a variation on a Chinese menu: choose one from column A, and one from column B. Another option would be to create a Mad-Libs type of game.
Oooh, Nordic ass. I have a Nordic ass as well, not as awesome as Autos, but still…
http://autoaim.org/100_nickybingos.htm
Perhaps 100 bingo cards will suffice?
You just need to pick one and stick to it.
Hey! No Cheating! ;D
I read the Kalevala when I was a child because of a Finnish/Russian movie about the Sampo.
Fletcher Pratt and L. Sprague de Camp set one of their great Harold Shea stories, ‘Wall of Serpents’, in the world of the Kalevala.
Nicky Bingo is such a good idea I’m actually bummed out we didn’t start it years ago.
autoaim save yourself the work
http://www.teach-nology.com/cgi-bin/bingo5.cgi
that will let you input stuff, it makes a card (that you can printscreen) and there’s even a random button you can hit that’ll shuffle them around automatically!
Another square for Nicky Bingo:
I’m NOT A DRUNK!
Sampo? As in The Day the Earth Froze of Mystery Science Theater 3000 fame?
Great! It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen it, and I’m hoping that it eventually makes it to DVD (the MST3K episode, not just the movie itself) pretty soon.
Have to add:
Going to shit on your grave
Shit on your career
Stop shitting on my career
Going to shit on your name
and other shitting on terms. He wuvs those.
Did anyone try to read that drivel he puked up onto the internet and baptized “a story”?
I think it may be time for another 50 Foot Ant critique.
Don’t forget:
plagiarism
baroque horror
And also:
transgressive
yellow journalist
mutant (an oldie but a goodie)
I am about to have a hot girlfriend with a bit of money (good luck fitting that on the bingo card though!)
Hahaha, we’ll end up with a 10 x 10 bingo soon. But it will be just as easy to win as a 5 x 5 bingo, given the fact that it’s Nicky we’re talking about here. ;D
Another 50 Foot Ant critique? Sweet, I always loved your reviews Ant, you and Tomo just have the knack for extracting just the right segments to both get your point across and help make the audience laugh their asses off.
Someone forward it to me? deviantFUR is sending my forgotten password info to the Great Void of throwaway accounts.
check your autoaim.org account
Hmm… I wonder if it contains any references to Richard Matheson… lets see…. ahh, yes… there it is…
The first thing that greeted me after I signed into my Deviantart account to take a look at Nicky’s story was a 17 year old girl showing off her breasts… I can’t help but feel there’s a metaphor about how the internet has affected art in there somewhere.
Anyway I had to stop reading Nicky’s story after I burst into laughter at “Down with the outsider and his thought patterns,” all I can see is Father Ted and Dougal chained to the posts outside the cinema when they were protesting the Passion of St Tibulus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gT9xuXQjxMM
yes, the Day the Earth Froze. I loved it. Haven’t seen it in years though. I want the original on dvd preferably with subtitles.
Hi hi hi, ETT updated with the bingo ;D
GREETINGS I AM ROBOTIC READER. YOU CAN VIEW MY LATEST VIDEO HERE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08ec6ftIV7M
Woohoo!!! Love Father Ted! Love it love it love it!
Anything that brings it up can’t be all bad.
One more for the Nicky Bingo board, and I can’t believe no one else remembered it, even if Nicky himself coined it this week:
Alfa Male.
I’m sorry to be so late with this one, but it’s a recent Nickism that makes me chuckle:
cuckhold
That’s just too funny. Now if he’ll only start saying “bee’s knees” instead of “good,” we’d be set.
Another of his weirdness. I found the word on the urban dictionary. I thought he was just misspelling cuckold.
I’m sure he meant this definition: A man that chooses/requests that a woman abuse him in any variety of ways. May or may not include: physical, financial, sexual, or emotional. Rarely includes actual sex, which is the key separation between a woman who has a cuckhold and your typical dominant-prostitute. (Especially the “rarely includes actual sex” part.)
What a pathetic hysterical girls-blouse!
Nicky gets an honest review from a youth pastor, “empty pages would be preferable to your writing”, which he interprets as a death threat and promise to burn all his Stephen King books. Later he’s assaulted, which doesn’t seem to happen as often as it should. Then he makes a nuisance of himself at several local churches and has a few, cheese sandwich before bed-fueled, nightmares. He loses his son (the system works!) and is committed (the system works!)
Apparently, this is exactly the same as the Salem witch trials multiplied by Nazi Germany multiplied by “Fahrenheit 441 [sic].” Nobody else in human history has suffered as much as poor Nicky, you should all be thoroughly ashamed of yourselves!
I can’t believe no one thought of Gothic for nicky bingo!
hostel
train/Metra/CTA/El
wall of shame
controversial
mentioning he left a sample of his “work” somewhere (bookstore, library,church)
throwing a hissy fit over being banned (forum, blog, human race)
Gothicfest
Convergence/C10, especially if it is the story about being taken away in an ambulance
requests for submissions in obscure file formats
piracy
people trying to destroy his “career”
bullied in high school
bullied for having a mental illness/disability
bullied for being goth
posting a photo with one of the following: wearing a hoodie, him wrapped up in blankets or sleeping bag, him in a diner, him in a cemetery, him in a tree
book burning
book pissing
working on a novella
attempting to brag about word count
libel
slander
no erotica
hard drive failure