I Couldn’t Resist

I know–I deserve 30 lashes with a wet noodle, but so be it. There’s a new parody blog entry here:


The parody Pacione story needs some editing before I post it over on nickolausapacione.com. Unfortunately, it’s still too coherent.

It takes far more talent than I have to write well enough to sell a story (and there’s no market for what I enjoy writing, anyway), so I know better than to try, but short parodies are just plain old fun to write. The hitch is that it’s awfully difficult to follow the rules of thumb for a Pacione parody:

  • leave in typos caused by typing too quickly
  • leave in word or phrase elisions caused by editing in mid-sentence
  • leave in extraneous words caused by the aforementioned
  • mix up spellings of homonyms
  • screw up punctuation
  • be redundant
  • use circumlocution
  • use little or no plot
  • get stuck in a rut that demands the use of dreams, nightmares, and darkness
  • use extremely convoluted sentence structure (or none whatsoever)
  • pretend to be erudite
  • drift off into no conclusion

I figure that if any eight of the aforementioned elements are present, it should be entertaining for a few minutes. That is, after all, my only goal in throwing together these parody shorts.


Mr. Pacione has been spending the past couple of weeks posting comments in various groups at MySpace:  Gothicfest, DemonsandDarlings, and Traditional Horror.  He must be really stoked about Gothicfest.

If anyone who reads this blog happens to attend tomorrow, please take pictures of him and his booth, and post them online for his “fans” to view.  I, for one, would be grateful.  The one of him standing on the table at his 2005 booth, screeching “RIDE THE STORM!” was classic.

Updated MySpace Profile

Mr. Pacione just updated his profile blurb at MySpace.

October 13th — Booksigning at Gothicfest 2007. Welcome to my creepy little world, the world of a foul mouthed horror writer and an all around sick fuck. Going on the road the 11th of October won’t be for two weeks. ”

31 years old
Joliet, Illinois
United States

Last Login: 10/12/2007 

” . . . all around sick fuck.”  Every once in a while, Pacione tells the truth.  It’s most likely a random occurance, since he has severe difficulty telling truth from fiction.

It’s obvious that he intends to promote his book signing.  He sure waited until the last minute to do so.  Is he still nervous that people will crash it and play a trick on him tomorrow that involves something more sinister than a whoopie cushion?

Robbed of Book Signings

There’s a new entry on Mr. Pacione’s MySpace announcing the release of his memoir.

This project that everyone in the industry don’t want you to buy is out right now — this particular book for me.

The industry really doesn’t care whether people buy the book. It’s basically a fact that all but a few people care enough to want to read about Pacione’s high school years. The market for that sort of drivel doesn’t exist.

His usual complaint about piracy has taken a new twist:

Fact being it’s a fucking loser move on their part — cheating the writer out of the experience of signing books.

So now, it’s the experience of signing books that he’s missing, not the sales? If he’s not renting the booth at Gothicfest to sign and sell books, why is he renting it?

If he fails at Gothicfest, as surely he will, he can always set up a card table at the end of grammy’s driveway to sign and sell his books.