Sniper Nicky

DJ Pathogen joined SomethingAwful when he caught wind of the fact that he was being mentioned there, and the Nicky thread that had stalled out around page 17 suddenly blew out to 19 pages.  Page 18 is here, and page 19 is here.

Now we know what Nicky’s been up to the past few days.  He’s been trading email with Pathogen, and a few others on SA.  Pathogen posted a whole bunch of their email exchanges.  Nicky whips out his internet tough guy act, talking about knowing boxing, wrestling, and several martial arts.  Several people call him on it.  Alas, Nicky declined someone’s offer to pay the one-time entry fee of $10 to join the forum.

This is one of my favorites from Pathogen to Nicky:

Me: Honestly, have you ever even hit anyone? Do you really think you understand what is involved with fighting someone? I mean the complications are endless. First, you’d have to curl out of the shaking ball of rage in your dad’s basement, tearing yourself away from the bleak, soulless light of your computer screen. Then you’d have to go and get a job to get money. Then you’d have to give money to Metra, because I’m sure you don’t have a vehicle of your own, aside from maybe a small child’s bike. Then you’d have to figure out where exactly this mythical land of milk and honey that you apparently rule, Chicago, is located. After that, you’d have to sit quietly on the train for UP TO AN HOUR without causing a fuss and getting thrown off the train (and possibly arrested!). If you arrived in Chicago safely, you’d have to figure out where I was! Upon arrival there, since it would assumably be a public place, you’d have to grapple with the terrifying, all-consuming trauma of having to deal with people that aren’t connected to you via the internet.

That’s only the beginning! Once in my presence, you’d have to get my attention somehow, a daunting feat for someone of your build, stature and overall air of crazy homeless guy. After you’ve gotten my attention, you would have to wind back, all of your puny little muscles bunching up like Twizzlers if you twist them around, and let fly with a mighty blow! Then, after it rebounds harmlessly off of whatever body part of mine you managed to aim for before the exhaustion of physical activity left you breathless and stunned, you’d have to weather my stern gaze and “tsk, tsk” reprimands.

It’s okay, though. I’d probably send you home with a juice box for your trouble and say we could try that again in a year.

Then, Autoaim created a game we can all play, similar to the ones that ExposeTheTard created a while ago. Correction:  Overdoze created the game. I only played it once, in survival mode, and scored 57, which probably sucks, but that’s alright.

This entry was posted in Legion of Nitwits, Nickolaus Pacione, Pacione and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Sniper Nicky

  1. Louise says:

    ‘you’d have to weather my stern gaze and “tsk, tsk” reprimands.’

    ROTFLMAO! That is even funnier than when that SL guy, I think Barker, came out with ‘someone was glaring at me over my hedge, when I was in my garden,’ or whatever.

    Oh dear goodness. Someone please hold me. My sides are aching from the laughter, and I can’t get the image of Mr. Pacione standing there, hands on hips, tsk tsking from afar, and scowling over his hedge at us all. Of course, he’ll come no closer than that.

    Oh my. I need another drink of water. Oh, I laughed so hard my face is throbbing.

  2. Louise says:

    Oh, fuck! I screwed up my comment again. Oh well. It was good lulz anyway. I am starting to sound like a nitwit, so maybe I need to read better and sleep more.

    *sighs*

    🙁

  3. Rusty says:

    The funniest thing, I think, is that a stern gaze, and a “tsk, tsk” from Pathogen probably would make Nicky wet himself.

  4. Crawford Tillinghast says:

    Or rather, one can take his blog and run it through the smurf site. Sorry, I misread the s_f comment.

    (The results are spectacularly funny, though.)

  5. Rusty says:

    They are.

  6. johaha says:

    Do you know what we do to homophobes around here?

    We fuck ’em.

  7. Crawford Tillinghast says:

    Why d’you think Nick keeps on showing up??

  8. cussedness says:

    Dear Nicky left me some love notes on the Suing Critics thread. He has been a busy little boi.

  9. Alice says:

    Pathogen really knows how to paint a picture with words. A hilarious picture. Kudos, my good sir!

  10. Louise says:

    Now I reread that properly, with full brain capacity, I have to say the image of Nicky actually trying to punch someone has made me soil my monitor screen with freshly brewed coffee.

  11. autoaim.cfg says:

    I cannot take credit for the sniper game. That was done by Overdoze of the SA forums, not me. So perhaps you could edit the blog entry. Wouldn’t want people to think I was stealing other peoples hard work now, would I? =D

    However, todays update was indeed put together by yours truly from various sources around the place. Enjoy your video montage of nicky, as he rants and raves.

    http://www.autoaim.org/?p=30

    (Although you have all probably both seen the images and heard the tapes before, I have no doubt)

  12. johaha says:

    I scored 126

  13. Jessy says:

    LOL I logged in with the boyfriend’s SA account.

    The LAST thing anyone would anyone want is the focus of the SA goons.

    Nicky doesn’t have a clue who he’s up against. He may have thought LJdrama was bad. These goons are pros =o

  14. Rusty says:

    They’d probably leave him alone if he wasn’t the Timex (takes a licking and keeps on ticking) of batshit insanity. It’s a shame Nicky wiped out his old Journalscape. It was a goldmine of lulz; now, it’s just boring.

  15. Athmel says:

    He seems to get incredibly angry at things that out of his control, such as how people perceive him. I remember his first contact with me was to call me a ‘douchebag fucking queer’ or some sort for a basic ‘lol’ comment I left for someone criticizing him.

    It’s hard to perceive him as how he wants when he flies off the handle and responds with vitriol for anything less than a positive comment.

    But really, isn’t it all for the lulz?? amirite??
    How do get goons and anonymous on your ass. Tickles the funny bone.

  16. Drew says:

    Oh man, he’s got the internet hate machine rolling, full steam. It’s like a perpetual motion machine.

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