Not content to hand out lousy advice on Shocklines, Lorenzo put up an entire essay on his blog advising newbie authors how to make money at book signings and sales booths.
AT OUTDOOR EVENTS & FOR THE INDEPENDENT/NEWBIE AUTHOR
by Lawrence R. Dagstine
That appears to be the subtitle of his essay. Brilliant, I say.
As many people already know, I came out of a series of signings at Coney Island, New York this past summer with a decent intake on such titles as FRESH BLOOD (see Books & Anthos), and more.
Intake sounds like a pipe that sucks in air. Don’t mind me; we just built a convection grate for our fireplace. He should have said revenue, or profit.
The checks that come in repetitively or non-repetitively may pay for such things as utility bills, groceries, little odds and ends in places like Rite-Aid, CVS, or Walmart, co-pays on prescriptions, dinner and a movie, or something as simple as a gallon of milk or filling up your gas tank.
So that’s how he could afford to drive a couple of hours across state lines to stalk me IRL. Apparently, such basic needs aren’t covered by his government dole check.
For example, right now I’m doing people’s resumes. If you’re already an established, professional author with a couple of novels out, this information probably won’t help you, as you already make a nice income from being an upper midlist author or being able to relax on what royalties and advances you make from mass market paperbacks.
If his own resume that he posted on LinkedIn is any indication, he can’t write a resume worth a damn. His next sentence really sounds like a stab at mid-listers (Leisure authors, perhaps?). Note his use of italics for the word upper, in reference to mid-listers, as if anyone below that level could use his advice.
Larry, honey, anyone above your cellar-dweller status who even reads your essay will do so in the same manner that people stare in awe at a car crash.
However, if you’re an independent/micro-press author who lives in a big city or a pretty happening little town, whose been published in lots of print magazines, maybe a few anthologies, has a new book or collection available through a POD press, has access to a small newspaper (bonus points here), this information might help you . . .
This guy’s braggadocio to accomplishment ratio is astronomical. Do I get bonus points for receiving free local newspapers in my mailbox? As far as I’m concerned, that counts as having access to them.
Most likely, you work a day job, or maybe you’re on a fixed income. You need to rely on a budget throughout, cut corners when necessary, because this article is recession-friendly. People may perceive you as a hack, an amateur . . .
It’s called being on the dole, Larry, since you’re not old enough to collect Social Security. Of course your article is “recession-friendly,” as you put it. It’s free, and worth every penny.
In this economy, if you don’t expect family or friends to show up (or friends of those friends), chances are you’ll only sell less than twenty copies anyway and look like a schmuck at a table in the corner with a bowl of lollipops or cookies.
Ah. That’s how he enticed people to his booth. He probably counted every cookie and lollipop sucker as a sale.
I chose Coney Island because . . . I knew people, and I made connections.
Yeah — Flea Market Larry checked out the registration page on the web, made reservations, then paid his registration fee each day (three or four of them, over the course of the summer, I think it was). Connections, my ass.
One writer asked me how much should he pay for tables (or, in some cases, booths). I would say if you’re an independent author DO NOT pay more than a hundred bucks for a table (but that’s just me). If you don’t come out of your signings making a minimum of 70 to 80% profit, don’t even bother reserving a spot.
*snerk*
Larry paid $10 a day for his table/booth. Do the math. How does $17-18 in daily revenue, for three or four days equate to $1200 profit? I know he said “minimum,” but with Lorenzo, minimum and maximum are pretty much the same thing.
Just sell a few used books, sports cards and comics on the side, you’ll make that back in no time flat.
That’s because nobody wants your books, Larry. They buy the other stuff, if anything. Why not just sell candy apples? Oh, right — you were selling cookies and lollipops. There’s probably a higher profit margin in those, anyway.
Other genre wares should be meant to cover the cost of your table and traveling expenses. This is a must!
That’s because your own crap won’t do it.
Get up and be a regular PT Barnum. Be jovial. Prepare what’s called a pitch. For example: “Hello, Ma’am, you’re looking lovely today. You must love to read. Oh, don’t be shy. I bet you have a soft spot for books reminiscent of Stephen King and JK Rowling!”
*gag*
My very first signing on that very first day in June was a disaster. Why? Because I had only brought Fresh Blood with me and a few used books by pulp authors. Luckily, that first day I covered the cost of the booth (it was only $30 at the time) . . .
If he paid $30, then he must have upgraded to the most expensive one available, in a prime location. None of the booths at Coney cost more than that; I saw the web page that listed the rental fees. Aside from this, it’s pretty damning evidence from the horse’s own ass mouth that people didn’t give a rat’s patootie about his book.
Also, he really did post a photo of a letter he received, titled “snail-mail.jpg,” without blacking out his street address.
*right-click/save image as*
Not to mention I looked like a big tool just sitting there with one Dagstine-related item to my name when, back home, I had hundreds of print periodicals I could have toted with me.
Hahahaha. What did you expect, Larry?
People were complimenting me because of the covers of the magazines.
Notice that he didn’t say they liked the cover of his own book.
One person said, “So you must be Brooklyn’s SF Writer.”—I said, “Okay.” I just totally went with it.
In other words, you lied, Lorenzo. I expected no less from you, but most people wouldn’t admit it in public.
He posted something with his street address on it?
Rus, email me that address!
On another note, if he had to buy so many copies of those “For The Luv” magazines to sell to others, I GUARANTEE he lost money.
The dude can’t count!
It’s also a 12 year old rejection letter for a Doctor Who themed manuscript he sent so I’m not sure if it’ll be much use.
The rejection letter from Doctor Who that shows his snail mail address was dated 20 October, 1997. Judging by the address, he was living on 58th near 3rd Avenue, in Manhattan, at the time. I recognize the address and zip code, because I used to work in the neighborhood, back in the mid-1980s.
It’s been proven time and time again that Larry can’t do math or tell the truth. That essay reads like some sort of report for high school economics — a subject, I expect, he barely passed.
wow. I can’t believe his idea of a sales pitch.
I think he stole his sales pitch from old Marx Brothers movies.
The difference, Cuss, is that the Marx Brothers knew they were doing comedy.
DAgstine can’t tell the difference between comedy and tragedy.
Oh look… widdle warry is trying to prove he’s not racist… http://shocklinesforum.yuku.com/topic/13372/t/Racism-in-Horror.html
Mike, I think he’s trying that agent provocateur shit again. Remember that “Horror is dead” bit? That’s designed to piss somebody off. Get a rise out of anybody at Shocklines. Cthulhu knows, any response. As far as I could tell, he’s not succeeding very well.
Hey,
Saw your post about me being in Chimeraworld 6. I think I might respond to it in my own blog, but basically I got paid for the thing. 10 pounds or $14. Not great, but what can you do.
I’m also in Dave Hutchinson’s Under the Rose which is nominally more respectable but it’s royalties-only (PW called my story “self-satisfied”). I’m currently torn over which book to recommend since I like my story in Chimeraworld 6 better but I think overall, Under the Rose might be the better story.
Anyhow, I send my stories to pretty much any market that pays and hope for the best. I find my inclusion in CW6 a little ironic since it’s a short story about a paranoid schizophrenic and a drug addict who go into a house and the drug addict dies. I included conspiracy theory material such as Charles Manson’s Web site and the Aum Shinriko manifesto but they were supposed to be read as the ramblings of a very sick character. I don’t know if Philbin took them at face value or not.
I just wanted to clarify. I don’t know anything else about Philbin and I found his introduction irritatingly naive but he DID pay me and I like that particular story. And CC Parker is also a pretty good writer – I published him in Teddy Bear Cannibal Massacre and I found his zombie story to be sad and disturbing.
“Not great, but what can you do.”
To quote John Chrichton from the TV series Farscape:
“You can be more.”
Conspiracy theories certainly would appeal to Philbin. I’m not convinced he really believes them, but he does love them.
Unlike Pacione, who offers pay and/or .pdf contributor copies, then welches on the deal, at least Philbin does pay people. He’s laughable for other reasons.
Dumb-ass Daggy has posted a link to his blog’s writing “advice” column.
http://ttapress.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1217
Once again, no one responds.
The people at that forum are mostly professionals, and sure as hell don’t need advice from him.
Check out SL for his latest bullshit.
http://shocklinesforum.yuku.com/topic/13372/t/Racism-in-Horror.html
OMG
He just got owned by James Newman.
Saw it. I’m taking screengrabs. James Newman got in a nice dig.
Our comments crossed in the ether, PG. Kudos to Mr. Newman. I loved that remark.
I love the way Daggy trieds to make the people posting at SL out to be the bad guys when he says cap like “Now I know why I try to stay away form here.”
He probably thinks that the folks there forget things if it’s off the front page or was deleted. Sort of a “if there’s no thread it didn’t happen” mentality. Pathetic.
It’s interesting to me that Dagstine once claimed to have secret knowledge about my past that would get me tossed into prison for a felony. He posted that in comments on my blog. I left them there.
Yet, all the bullshit that Dagstine has confessed to is far more actionable than my parking tickets. If all the things he has claimed to have done were real, I think he’d be in prison by now. Especially the pedophile stuff.
Yeah well that’s Daggy — a little yippy dog that barks loudly but runs away with his tail between his leg while whining after one smack from a rolled up newspaper.