I know–I deserve 30 lashes with a wet noodle, but so be it. There’s a new parody blog entry here:
http://nickolausapacione.com/WordPress1/?p=10
The parody Pacione story needs some editing before I post it over on nickolausapacione.com. Unfortunately, it’s still too coherent.
It takes far more talent than I have to write well enough to sell a story (and there’s no market for what I enjoy writing, anyway), so I know better than to try, but short parodies are just plain old fun to write. The hitch is that it’s awfully difficult to follow the rules of thumb for a Pacione parody:
- leave in typos caused by typing too quickly
- leave in word or phrase elisions caused by editing in mid-sentence
- leave in extraneous words caused by the aforementioned
- mix up spellings of homonyms
- screw up punctuation
- be redundant
- use circumlocution
- use little or no plot
- get stuck in a rut that demands the use of dreams, nightmares, and darkness
- use extremely convoluted sentence structure (or none whatsoever)
- pretend to be erudite
- drift off into no conclusion
I figure that if any eight of the aforementioned elements are present, it should be entertaining for a few minutes. That is, after all, my only goal in throwing together these parody shorts.
BUCKET OF PISS!
I simply must have fun with this one . . . I’m too weak to resist temptation with French language puns and slang.
You misspelled bouquet, buckethead. š
Ooh, la bouquet d’urine! The stench of a men’s restroom in a football stadium after halftime is unparalleled.
Cassez sa pipe!
SHUT UP! Shut up right now! I’m going to find out where you leave and piss in your pants! Do you understand? And for the second time now I speak American nothing else!
You speak Mericun as well as I do Chicagoan,,, So there mother fucker. I made money tonight. I sold two books. So YOU shut the fuck up!
Why don’t you go swim in a bucket of piss the fact that you try to destroy my career as a published author truely shows your lack of judgement. If this was the early ’90s you would have been shot dead already. The world was a different place for faggots back then. I have a birthday!
You forgot the comparisons to old television shows and/or movies.
Damn. I knew I forgot something. Leave it to Sphinx to point it out to me. š
That you actually had all those sufficiently nailed down to categorize them is pretty unnerving in and of itself.
Oh, and “uncle fuckers” does sound a bit too Trey & Matt. Try “diesel dyke” instead…
I’m a diesel dyke. Vroom Vroom.
I also forgot to itemize this: cobble together two unrelated thoughts in a single sentence with no punctuation. The elements of a Pacione story form a buffet dinner, if you will. It’s acceptable to skip a few items, but forkfuls of most things should be on the plate before the diner heads back to his or her seat.
You must have a far stronger stomach than I do … I’ve tried my hand at the various oddball “in the style of” parodies now and then, but the mere thought of even beginning to contemplate this makes my whole brain recoil.
I’ve gotten used to it, Sabledrake. It doesn’t mean that I’m any good at writing them, but they briefly amuse me. With any luck, they might entertain someone else for a minute or two.
SHUT UP! Shut up right now! Iām going to find out where you leave and piss in your pants!
Even though I know Nick didn’t really say this, I have to admit that this has been making me laugh nearly non-stop for the past 24 hours.
It has had me laughing also.