My parody of Library of Bones is live on nickolausapacione.com, on this page. I learned several things this evening in “Pacione Boot Camp.”
- No matter how tempting it was to correct all my typos, I had to force myself to leave in a handful
- It was painful to keep switching tenses within sentences
- The more of these I try, the easier it gets to write sentences that are either nonsensical or highly ambiguous
- I cannot force myself to drag out these parodies for even 1000 words, before my mind turns to aspic
- First person parody is a lot more difficult for me to write than a third person “The Adventures Of Nicky” episode
If you have five minutes to spare and want to give it a read, be my guest. Feel free to comment or critique it, if you wish. Unlike you-know-who, I take criticism quite well. I’m the first to admit that I don’t know how to write anything but research articles or technical documentation. Fiction is, at best, a novelty for me.
“From there, as I awaken, a squirrel sits on my windowsill laughing at me as he knew my torture.”
Thats all I read and I nearly lost it right there. That reminds me of the time Nicky commented on here telling someone he was going to come to their house and piss in their pants.
Yes, I remember that remark. It was too funny. 😉
I did try to inject some humor into the parody, but only because Nicky is at his most hilarious when he doesn’t mean to be.
Who gave you the rihgt to fuck with my story mother fucker. Just because you got the free download doesn’t mean you can diss it and rip it apart. I worked really hard on that story and deserve sales from it.
Rusty Nail, get nut cancer and get hit by a car. I am going to go over there and burn your house down and dance on your grave. You deserve it. And velmonturna for the last time will you SHUT THE FUCK UP. I will not tolerate laughing at me
I am not fucken scared of a squirrel its just bees and spiders that scare me. I’m calling the FBI on you and I already got a court order and lawsuit against you for defamation of character and libel and plagerism and Im asking for a lot more than $1700. See you in court.
That was such a fake Nicky its not even funny.
Very good. Most excellent. My only criticism is that you have too many complete sentences. You ought to drop a few periods after the rambling adjectival gibberish clauses and before you reach a predicate. Then you comma splice the remainder to the first few words of the following sentence. Or just chop them up any old way and reassemble for maximum effect. You never create a complete, coherent sentence that way. For example, your opening paragraph might look something like this, without altering the word order in any way:
As it would creep into my mind that continues to race and the nightmare. That would project my thoughts on the wall I begin. This sinful narration, the blank pages stared back at me in a way that would echo my thoughts that cannot be put into words that my faith forbade. Staring back as death would wait at the door. For my written documentation of the afterlife. The dreams contained in the pages. Made of flesh and blood, were written by that which is not quite human, but is something spectral.
ROFLMAO, Otter! You make a very good point. Your rendition was over the top; it read like William Shatner doing one of his concept albums. Some of your sentences were technically complete, but abominable. You did, however, nail another way to fuck up the writing that hadn’t occurred to me.
Well, it reminds me of some of the better stuff I used to get when I edited the resident-written newsletter at the crazyhouse where I worked. So I guess what I’m saying is, hey, you nailed it, dude!
All this Nicky parody stuff reminds me of a bit of dialogue from the movie Ghost World:
“This is so bad it’s almost good.”
“This is so bad it’s gone past good and back to bad again…”
If I’ve achieved what you say, Sabledrake and Crawford, my mission has been accomplished. Unless I’m as deluded as you-know-who, I’ll take those remarks as (sparing) compliments.
Psychotic-sounding, check. I’ll have to trust Sabledrake on that.
Crawford’s comment evoked the imagery of the robots from MST3K commenting about an Ed Wood movie. I haven’t seen Ghost World, so I have no point of reference for it.
See what happens when Pacione lies low? I get ideas. And those ideas translate into . . . abominations of the dreams of the unspeakable dark mind that cannot be described by words, but take up 950 or so (and should use 90 or less).
You’re very welcome! Though I should add that if you really want the resident-newsletter full deal, you’ve got to do it in really abysmal scribbled penmanship. In smudgy pencil would be best. 😀