This one was also removed from Helium, but I managed to get it before it went poof. There’s nothing libelous about it, but it has its funny points.
- load up on Monster energy drinks (in case you’re not already manic enough)
- glare at folks who’ve never seen a Goth writer before (to convey that authentic Goth look)
- try not to get into arguments with people (don’t want to lose that sale)
- have a rock star moment (by signing Gashley Darcane’s back with a Sharpie)
- do your book signing two years in advance of the event (“September 17, 2005, was the first major book signing I did and this was at Gothicfest 2007”)
- leap onto the table to scream “Ride the storm!” (to distract folks from your non-goth green flannel shirt)
In other news, ETT has a video posted, announcing the return of our favorite videographer. Woo-hoo!
And thus the cycle of nature continues:
1. Nicky arrives.
2. Nicky recieves an F for Fail.
3. Nicky gets the boot.
Repeat ad nauseam
Interesting. I really didn’t see a big reason for why that one was removed from Helium, unless you take Nicky’s past reputation into account.
Maybe they yanked it because the author has absolutely no idea at all what he’s talking about.
The article itself isn’t new. I can’t remember where he had it before, but I’ve seen it before this.
I want to say it was longer wherever I saw it but I can’t remember. All I know is I’ve seen it before.
Ben, I reported that one because Helium’s content guidelines specifically say that one is not supposed to hawk one’s own products in the articles and because the article had little to do with the supposed topic. It mostly about Nicky’s experiences (with name-dropping) and not actual practical advice for a book-signing.
He just popped up on Shocklines again: http://shocklinesforum.yuku.com/topic/14503
“they’re are being lazy”
they are are ….
LOL. He just dissed Lorenzo. Lawwy has his domain pointed to his WP-hosted blog. It’s possible to power a blog using WP software that isn’t hosted by WP, but that’s not what Lawwy did.
lol.
All the rest of us who write have independently hosted websites as well as blogs.
http://shocklinesforum.yuku.com/topic/14536
Broken Mindframe Books… moving on, moving on, moving on, lol.
Good lord. Between Lake Fossil Press, Angry Guinea Press, and Broken Mindframe Press, he can’t manage to scrounge together enough submissions.
The answer, Peaches, isn’t to simply make up a new name for your Lulu account. Granted, he mentioned Broken Mindframe a long time ago, but this is the first time I’ve seen him put out a submission call for it.
Again with the damn diner . . . No doubt, he’ll expect the recipient to pick up the tab, and leave the tip for the server.
There’s a response up to his allegation that a blog layout is just a copout. I wonder if he’ll respond, just as I wonder if either of those charities will receive a dime of any sales Nicky makes.
Cynical is one of my favorite people over there.
No, that’s Lake Fossil Press and Broken Mindframe Books, Rusty. And wouldn’t you bloody know, it seems that brokenmindframebooks.com is already registered as a domain. Fancy that, eh? What are the odds? Color me surprised. Well, smack my rump and call me Daisy! Who’d have thought it?
Oh, wow! Nicky could stand to lose some weight it seems…
http://brokenmindframebooks.com
I may need therapy.
Someone bought brokenmindframe?!?! By “someone” I mean PURE AMAZING AWESOME PEOPLE!
*bows*
Wait a sec…
“Authors in the anthology will get a pdf copy, locals will have their copies hand delivered in a public place (a diner.)”
He’s going to hand deliver pdf copies? Is he some kind of wizard to reach within the depths of cyberspace and pluck from there a single file to recreate in our mundane reality? What does a pdf look like in our world anyway, is it some kind of malignant serpent that coils itself around your neck and whisper the dark secrets it contains in to your ears, day after day, night after night until finally your mind breaks and your mindless husk serves as its slave? Or can only those who are righteous enough to be published by Nicky see it, just as only those who are righteous or have drank far too much scotch can see Vin Diesel’s hair and Mr T’s frilly pink apron that he always wears.
I know that most likely he’ll hand it over on a cd or more likely a 3.5 inch floppy, because he’s so old school, but still the mind boggles.
Gosh.
That vid was a bit shocking for me.
“Must be jelly ‘cuz jam don’t shake like that!”
Why is he using a lycos email now? Did his vampirefreaks email get pulled over his recent death threats? Did he manage to get the boot from vampirefreaks too?
Also… A DINER… please dont tell me that’s actually in the… oh shit, lol… yes… A DINER.
You know, whenever I mention Nicky on irc there’s this standing in-house gag where everyone begins to chant ANTHOLOGIES! ANTHOLOGIES! ANTHOLOGIES!
I think we’ve got a new chant now. DINER! DINER! DINER!
Autoaim – thanks; now I’ve got that damned “Badger, Mushroom” song in my head, only now it’s your “Anthologies, Diner” instead. 🙁
I’d just like to thank John Connor for taking time out of his busy schedule of being hunted by terminators to ask Nicky the hard question he needs to answer.
Nikitas Broken Mindframe Books submissions thread is deleted now. ;D
Wow, that was a quick snip. I only read that a few mins ago. It does make me cynical tho about giving donations to charity. Any donation to charity is awesome but that would need regulating.
I have a screengrab that includes the comment from JohnConnor.
I know it’s on ETT but that vid is great. I can’t wait for those to come up.
Nicky’s got a new article up, and it’s looooonnnnnngggg:
http://www.helium.com/items/1773100-when-i-first-came-online
Goddamned it! It got pulled while I was reading it! I was at about page 12 or 13 and then ZZZAP!!!
Now that, was fast, lol
Nevermind. False alarm. That was just Helium having a hickup….
Hmmm… there’s some thinly veiled libel in there, methinks. M. A. Brite? Come on, Twerpy…
It does that occasionally. I have all 20 pages screen capped, in case it really does get yanked. Haven’t read it yet, but the little I noticed was a combination plug for his company and books, and butthurt whine against his perceived enemies.
Jenny: Did you catch some of the things he admitted to in his latest article?
“in 1997 my best friend came over with an HTML book and a few porno films. He was trying to build a website first then when he couldn’t figure it out he said “The hell with this, I am going back to watch the porno ‘Mr. Excitement’ this HTML stuff is Greek to me, Nick. I don’t know why I picked up these books in the first place”
*Um…Nicky’s best MALE friend had to watch pornos with him…
*This is twice he admitted that he ignored sex to mess around on the computer
“This was long before A.J. Grooms changed his sex (I told him when he did the sex change that I will be mourning a friend. I felt like I was burying a friend when he went through that.”
Um….
Twenty pages of Nicky whining… I’ll wait for the Cliffs notes version.
No no, read it… its a blast.
I can’t stop laughing.
I simply… cannot…
Sincerely,
autoaim “Trust Fund Tommy” cfg
I’m tempted to zip all 20 pages into an archive, and make that available for anyone intrepid enough to want to pick through it.
Copy the text into a doc, if its still not pulled by Helium, someoneI. ‘m sitting in a hotel room on my netbook so I’d rather not do it myself right now.
P.S. Yes Nicky, I can afford to travel using HOTELS, fancy that, eh? Oh god, I’m honestly still lollin’ @ you IRL.
I can extract text from a .pdf, but these are in a graphic format. 🙁
The shit he admits to always amazes me. He’ll never top him constantly saying that his mom is 14 years older than him, but in that article he comes close. Like how he stole pop from Subway (yeah you needed that to survive) autoaim is right this is totally worth reading.
Like how he admits he lost his mind when his son was born, yet he claims her parents didn’t like him because he stood up to them. Or him gloating that they said he’d never amount to anything like he does finally.
This is seriously great.
@autoaim: I’ve got in a doc file. I’ve got classes to teach tonight, but I’ll e-mail it to you later if you leave an e-mail address. Or e-mail me at jnny_torgerson@yahoo.com and I’ll reply. I also laughed at “Trust Fund Tommy”…because of course someone has to be rich to afford the few bucks it costs to register domain names.
@Al: I’m about 3/4 of the way through . I do like his revisionist history here: “…from my xanga blog I had at the time which got pulled because of a fight with a naysayers for bragging about pirating one of my books.” And re: A.J. Grooms, nice friend Nicky is. Whatever happened to the Christian motto of “hate the sin, love the sinner”?
@Al: or this part : “…but when we broke up she became one of the people that smeared my name, while my profile grew in the publishing world and the small press, she was stuck in middle of nowhere living with her cats as a spinster”
HAHAHAHA. Melany seems like such a nice person and one who is actually living her life. Nicky is the one living in basement with his computer as a life-long bachelor (’cause who would really want to touch that?)
autoaim@autoaim.org
Thanks ;D
She’s going back to school, works, dating, at least she has a cat, and on his dating profiles he admits he’s a “hermit” who needs to find the right woman to get him out of the basement and back into the real world. Delicious irony!
So Jenny you did save that article? It’s usually a race for time because there are a lot of report-happy people that get lulz like that taken down really fast so one has to hurry.
I’m halfway done I might as well finish – I’m actually saving the pages which is lazy but I’ll have it all I guess. 😛
I got a kick out his claim that people were setting up fake domains.
I’ve got all 20 pages in an rtf file as well since I didn’t feel like reading it just now. I threw it up on sendspace so grab it while you can if you don’t feel like waiting until Jenny can send the e-mails.
http://www.sendspace.com/file/dwhh0y
Excellent, Lewis. Thanks. It’s soooo much easier to read in Word than on those ridiculous web pages.
“This is when my family is giving me the hang it up speech”
Hello! What’s this? Is he referring to Kim or are they all saying that?
WIDE THE STOOOWM!
…when he couldn’t figure it out he said “The hell with this, I am going back to watch the porno ‘Mr. Excitement’ this HTML stuff is Greek to me, Nick.
I smell a thinly veiled come-on here. Watching porn with your friends? References to ‘Greek’? HOT-CHA-CHA!
Did he write this in a single sitting? It’s like On the Road, if Kerouac was a closeted, paranoid, friendless rageaholic. I may have to take up drinking to be able to read it to the end, but read it I will.
I think I’ll have to do some work on nickolausapacione.com. I’m getting really sick of the I.M. Sleazy theme, about which Nicky complained. Allthough I like the blog layout there, I have several nicer ones in reserve that I created, but haven’t FTPed to the server yet. That may be tomorrow’s project.
Since Nicky’s been so active I’m trying to finish up my version of I.O.W.A. for him to read before I go to bed. You know the only thing I can remember about the version that was floating around is that stupid bloody acronym and that there was an abortion, both of which are featured in my version.
I haven’t seen or read I.O.W.A., but yes, I remember the same thing. It was supposed to be a big pro-life story.
Muahahahaha…me a spinster. Well I won’t deny calling myself a crazy cat lady, but yeah I’m dating on a semi regular basis and have a couple of dates this week actually. Dave is an awesome guy. He’s taking me to see Alice in Wonderland, and I don’t even have to pay my own way! 😀
And I’m planning two vacations this year, and I already know I’ll be staying at a resort for the wisconsin one and an actual hotel for the branson one.
Shh Melany, there’s not supposed to be a life after Nicky. So make sure your housesitter wears a big bonnet and cries inconsolably while eating vast quantities of chocolate and debating the benefits and pitfalls of communism with your cats. Just in case he’s watching.
Anyway I.O.W.A. is done and posted on my blog, I just need to send Nicky a little email to make sure he reads it.
You’re right Lewis. How horrible of me to have had a life after Nicky. I should be home every night crying myself to sleep and writing really bad slash fiction not out having fun!
@Al: I hope his family’s giving him that lecture on a daily basis, along with not-so subtle hints about showering more often, and possibly leaving the basement to find a JOB.
I do remember something about how his family either doesn’t understand his writing “career”, or they just don’t take it seriously enough to humor him about it. They may need to take a more proactive stance, like maybe smashing the computer into pieces to get Nicky away from it.
Fork over the link to IOWA
Give it to me nooooow!
You can find my version here Ant.
http://pandaswahey.blogspot.com/
Unfortunately I don’t have a copy of the original and based it on what I could remember of the version that turned up during the Something Awful thread, which was sod all aside from the fact that he was shitting himself about abortions without ever actually providing a description.
Melany, would that be slash fiction of Nicky and an amorous Billy goat that later breaks his heart by joining the French Foreign Legion?
@autoaim: You have mail.
I’d love to read a copy of I.O.W.A. if anyone has one lying around.
I thought about writing an IOWA story.
International
Orbital
Weather
Analysis
Kind of a ghost story aboard a space station.
Then got distracted by something shiny.
Oooh shiny!
Was it the light reflecting off of Nicky’s greasy hair? Because I think it’s safe to say that there’s no pot of gold at the end of that particular rainbow.
Orange juice all over my keyboard and monitor. One day I will learn to not read this site while eating/drinking. 😀