I Do Believe He’s Cracked

Wall-o’-text here about why nothing is his fault.

Every failure in his life comes down to:



Or, women, men, transgendered, Christians, and everyone who doesn’t fit into one of those categories is after his delicious rump.  Or so he wishes.

Yes, folks, his failure in life is due to anything and everything except himself.  And, Uncle Sam makes us subsidize jerks like Nicky.  But he’s still worthy of our tax dollars, in his mind, because he’s retarded, and thinks sweeping carpets is beneath him.  The carpet is above him, but that’s a story for another day.

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95 Responses to I Do Believe He’s Cracked

  1. Stinkycat says:

    I’m going to be sick….:

    “He made it his mission to tell the world I lost the company and the SometingAwful.com goons were on the bandwagon along with the first woman I dumped a load of cum into”

  2. MontiLee says:

    I do wish I had more hours in the day to harass people who barely mean anything to me so I could feel better about my happy, fulfilling life.

    Oh if only I wasn’t so preoccupied with living.

  3. Ralts Bloodthorne says:


    “In that issue I broke in one of my best friends in the Goth scene, I was their early web master on a blog they had on another website because they were kind enough to spot some cash for me to catch a train back to the city. ”

    And he admits it!

  4. cussedness says:

    I counted his blog posts of the past three days and the total came to 17.

    • Melany says:

      If he spent 1/3 of the time on his stories as he does on his dozens of hate filled blogs he would MAYBE *gasp* improve as a writer to maybe 2nd grade level instead of the first grade level he’s at.

      • Stinkycat says:

        Agreed. He’s more of a blogger than a fan fiction writer.

      • admin says:

        His blogs aren’t really any more coherent than his stories. The only lasting impression they leave is that he’s an angry bunny. With whom or what isn’t always clear.

  5. Melany says:

    Treats his line up like friends and family. In other words he tells them to go fuck their parents and calls them faggots too?

    And where did I call for a boycott of Nicky’s books? It’s not like anyone is buying them anyway? LOL LOL LOL

    • cussedness says:

      He has to find a reason for his lack of sales other than himself. But even someone who is a victim of a deliberate boycott is going to have better sales than Nicky.

    • admin says:

      My experience from having worked in advertising for decades is that boycotts produce either a temporary uptick in sales (Chick-Fil-A), or virtually no effect at all (Wal-Mart). The folks at corporate HQ may worry about the bad p.r. for a week or two, but the effects are never lasting. It takes a wholesale shift in consumer demand for a product to make that happen. When was the last time you saw a “notions” department every department store? Nowadays, there are specialty retailers for that.

      Companies go under for a variety of reasons, but boycotts are rarely one of them. Maybe if a rural farming community boycotted the local hardware store or ice cream parlor, it’d go under, but that sort of thing never works on a national scale unless there are a whole lot of other reasons.

  6. I just love how much he talks about loving man-butt but can never admit to himself what he practically screams in his writing.

    He wants hot sweaty man-loving.

  7. Stinkycat says:

    Enjoy Ricky Macione: Lake Fossil Hunter. I’m not a writer, so I just do what I can 🙂


    • admin says:

      LOL. Could be better written, but you know that. I couldn’t do better. Still, I’m LMAO, which sort of is the point, right?

      • Stinkycat says:

        It’s surprisingly hard to write that bad, especially the 1st paragraph. Did you catch the homoerotic undertones Nicky loves?

        • admin says:

          I’m convinced it’s impossible for anyone who’s firing on all cylinders (i.e. we normal folks) to write that badly without some serious effort. 😉

        • Lewis says:

          I gave up trying to write as badly as Nicky does and instead try to write the way he believes he does. It’s less brain damaging.

          Though it leaves me with an opening paragraph like this.

          “Do you think me a monster? I know there are some who do, petty, small minded fools who fail to appreciate the depths of my unique intellect and the conservative commentary I bring to my writing, but I tell you I am no monster, merely a man. “

    • Scott says:

      And that is still a million times better than anything Peaches has ever done.

  8. Melany says:

    You all owe me a new bottle of screen cleaner! Or I need to learn to finish my drinks before getting on my computer.

  9. cussedness says:

    I’ve done it with coffee!!!!! And it’s all Steven TheGit’s fault.

    • admin says:

      Git’s made me snort coffee, too. Yeah … it’s his fault. I’m sticking with that narrative,

    • Melany says:

      I don’t drink coffee….I wonder if lemonade will be the next think I clean off my monitor. It’s too damn hot for hot cocoa, and I’m too lazy to make sun tea today. LOL

    • CritGit says:

      Was it my comments about Nicky thinking babies come out of a man’s anus?
      If so, I think he deserves more credit for the hilarity than I. That was too easy.

  10. Jaja Inthesky says:

    Nicky’s poor mother is begging him on Facebook to tone it down – I pity that woman. I’m sure she had high hopes for her son and never intended to throw this mess into society!

    • admin says:

      She intended to inflict him on society since the day she had him — at barely 15 — which Nicky is proud to announce to the world. His grandma raised him.

      • Stinkycat says:

        It sounds more like he is embarrassing her than she cares about him. His family seems to have just ignored him and let him do whatever he wants. i don’t get it. Unless he owns the house he lives in, and they give him no money- they should be able to set ground rules for living there.

        • admin says:

          Sheryl doesn’t give a rat’s patootie about him. She never did.

          The house in which Nicky lives belonged to his maternal grandparents, They both have died within the last year or so. Nobody has paid the property tax on the place since the 2010 billing cycle.

    • Stinkycat says:

      Thanks, I couldn’t bring myself to read it. The commentary is great though! I’m always shocked with all the name-dropping he wonders why people call him a fan fiction writer. I’d be drunk if I did that game.

  11. Jaja Inthesky says:

    How come he is still living at his grandparents’ house without any supervision? I just looked it up on FB, his mother resides in Florida, so she obviously isn’t watching him… That entire family seems to be a bit of a disaster.
    His mother had him with 15? That is far too early to have children. At that age she was a child herself! He will live off benefits forever, he won’t ever pay his way with his forays into writing and real work seems to be beneath him – he calls it “burger flippin'”.

  12. Melany says:

    Rape, incest, sex with babies, necrophilia, bestiality. Someone belongs on a sex offender list.

  13. Robin E. says:

    I can’t wait to see what he thinks he’s going to do with himself when the house goes up on a tax auction. None of them seem to want to catch the taxes up, probably because it’s a run down dump…or none of them have the cash to catch it up. Nicky can’t afford a real rent, even with roommates. Hell, he doesn’t even get enough in food stamps to pay for all of the groceries he eats in a month. And you can bet none of his family will let him live with them once his grandparent’s house is gone. He’ll be in and out of St. Joe’s but that’s not a long-term care facility. But maybe a few stints in the nuthouse will help him find either some sort of low-income housing (Section 8) or he can camp out under the stars in the woods somewhere in his bondage sleepsack. Maybe he’ll die of the sniffles.

  14. Ah, I have joined the legion of the damned at last! I earned an obscene insult by suggesting that he could be more Christian.

  15. cussedness says:

    That was the one, Git. LOL

  16. Jaja Inthesky says:

    Are there no government agencies that look after ppl like him? He should really have a mental health worker to supervise him. Here in the U.K. he would be in shared and assisted housing – he also needs his Internet access restricting!
    One day he might really flip his lid and seriously hurt somebody.

    • admin says:

      He’s a poster boy for why the deinstitutionalization movement of the 1970s wasn’t always such a good thing. State mental health hospital systems were shut down, rather than fixed. The thinking was that anti-psychotic drugs alone were good enough. Problem is, people like Nicky stop taking them the moment nobody’s watching. If he signs himself into a mental ward, he can sign himself out after three days. Involuntary commitment lasts a bit longer, but not long enough to really make sure he’s stabilized on his meds. Supposedly, he has to see a shrink every few months to get his prescriptions renewed, but my impression is that it’s a rubber stamp deal. Besides, Nicky’s always complaining that he doesn’t have enough money to fill the prescriptions, even though the gov’t. subsides them (and him, for that matter).

      • Stinkycat says:

        i think his plan was to find a Goth rich girlfriend on POF and move in with her, and she would support him. Apparently the dastardly deeds of Brian Keene and Melany have prevented this.

        • Melany says:

          Yep! We’re so awesome we know every girl he contacts and warns them away! Don’t you all wish you had that kind of power? :p

        • Jaja Inthesky says:

          Even if he had found himself a girlfriend/live-in-caregiver, how long would it have taken her to figure out what a mess that plonker is? So either way, he would end up exactly where he is now – alone!
          Even if he really turns up to his shrink appointments every few months, how is that supposed to help? He needs to be checked on daily to make sure he takes his pills and to encourage him to partake in personal hygiene activities etc…
          He will probs one day threaten the wrong person and end up strangled or shot.
          I feel sorry for that poor family dog he’s in charge of – I doubt he looks after it very well.

          • Melany says:

            He’ll never find a girlfriend. He thinks it’s being a ‘horror writer’ driving all us ladies away, and not his extremely offensive ‘charm’ and lack of washing.

    • Jaja Inthesky says:

      You managed to turn his “story” from painful into an entertaining read – that is impressive!

    • Stinkycat says:

      OK, This made me spit up my Diet A & W 🙂

      Thanks again for the excellent commentary! I tried reading his story and skimmed it until they went to a diner….skimmed some more…still in a diner….to the end and what- still in a diner? How does it take him so long to say nothing?! I thought maybe I missed something but didn’t care enough to check.

      I don’t think he understands what horror means. I don’t fancy myself a horror expert, but I imagine writing about people whining about someone’s writing doesn’t equate to a horror story. Well maybe if it is similar to a what he considers a near death experience such as having bronchitis, falling off his bike, having the sniffles…

      I would like to see Lloyd Phillip Campbell’s mom come to town!

      I was thinking a screenplay would be amusing. imagine what his day must be like. He probably wakes up in the afternoon, spends half an hour just trying to get out of his sleepsack all the while cursing Brian Keene. He’s so tired then b/c he gets no exercise and must eat crap he just parks himself in front of his computer until nighty-night. The voices in his head must keep him company. I imagine he does a lot of mumbling to himself. He probably hears applause.

      • admin says:

        How does it take him so long to say nothing?!

        Nothing ever happens in his stories, and where there is a plot (I use the term loosely), it’s too ridiculous to believe.

        I don’t understand his obsession with diners either, unless they’re the only kind of restaurant at which he can afford to eat that has wait staff. You may have missed this, but a few months ago he had his first date in many years, and went all gaga over an $8 chicken sandwich the woman bought him at a bar & grill in Joliet.

        My guess is that pub grub is normally out of his reach. It sounded more like a sports bar than a gastropub, too, IIRC. Our local pubs are a bit on the upscale side, but even prime rib usually sneaks in below $20 because they’re making most of their money from microbrews and glasses of wine.

  17. Melany says:

    Oh, and I had fun at the fair. They had something new this year called a ‘hot beef sundae’. It was shredded roast beef with mashed potatoes, shredded cheese, gravy, and a cherry tomato on top. It was almost as popular as the walking tacos.

    • Sabledrake says:

      I’ve seen pics of those. Evil. The hubs, not a dessert guy but one who would drink gravy with a straw, would love it.

    • admin says:

      I’ve seen those. They look rather disgusting, but are probably pretty good. A frozen banana dipped in chocolate is more my thing, though, especially on a hot day.

      • Melany says:

        My first reaction was ‘eww’ at the pics posted on the stands that had them, but they looked better when actually made. They taste pretty good too. I wouldn’t want one all the time, but once a year or so would be fine by me.

        • admin says:

          Nobody should eat fair food more than once or twice a year. It’s tasty, but it’s gross at the same time. Kinda like a funnel cake.

          • Jaja Inthesky says:

            What is a funnel cake?

            • admin says:

              Its a donut-like thing, that instead of coming out in a clump, comes out in a really weird snake shape. It’s deep fried.

              • Jaja Inthesky says:

                I love deep fried stuff but then there is that problem with it being a minute on the lips and forever on the hips – exercising to lose excess “cake weight” in this heat is just such hard work.

                • admin says:

                  In this heat, I find it difficult to consume anything more than iced tea and melon with blueberries. Strawberries and cream worked a few weeks ago, but strawberry season is over.

  18. Ah! The insult has been deleted. However, here is the entire exchange that ends with it:

    Mr Pacione, please do be assured that I for one don’t believe for a moment that you are J. K. Rowling.
    Nickolaus Pacionesaid:
    July 17, 2013 at 10:30 am
    That’s assuring. I don’t write high fantasy, if you want that talk to my ex-girlfriend Serena Carrington. I am too rude and disgusting to be J.K. Rowling..
     mikebrendansaid:
    July 17, 2013 at 11:51 am
    Well, you are rude and disgusting, on that we agree.
     Nickolaus Pacionesaid:
    July 17, 2013 at 12:10 pm
    I guess you haven’t found the right horse to ejaculate in your ass.
    Ramsey Campbellsaid:
    July 17, 2013 at 2:26 pm
    No need to keep proving it, Mr Pacione. Not terribly Christian, I would think.
    Nickolaus Pacionesaid:
    July 18, 2013 at 1:59 am
    Keep telling yourself that as you are sucking off a horse.

    • Jaja Inthesky says:

      You have been incredibly patient with him, I do not know how you never lose your cool when he deflects all and every question you ask.
      I have not seen him answer even the simplest, most straight forward, question that anyone asked of him; does he really not understand?

      • admin says:

        In some ways, Nicky reminds me of the talking heads who join guest panels or get interviewed, and refuse to stray from their own list of talking points, regardless of the question. However, he’s too stupid to even have talking points. I think he genuinely does not understand. His reading comprehension skills are as abysmal as his writing skills.

    • admin says:

      His mommy’s been telling him to tone it down. Maybe that’s why he deleted some of the comments, but it doesn’t explain his latest entry about his potty mouth.

      • Stinkycat says:

        It’s funny b/c for the first long paragraph he tries to tone it down…then he couldn’t help himself and finished up the entry as his usual self.

        You are right. He can control it when he wants to. He knows what he does is wrong.

        • admin says:

          He knows better; it’s just that he doesn’t always do better.

        • Jaja Inthesky says:

          Of course he knows that his behaviour is wrong, he is not that crazy…
          He might think that this behaviour is making him “interesting/controversial” – it gives him the excuse he needs to justify continuing to write his books and stories…

          • admin says:

            IIRC, he originally got into writing when a shrink suggested he keep a journal, and one of his cousins encouraged him to publish his scribblings. The only thing that differentiates him from bazillions of other shitty writers is his asshattery. Well, that and the fact that he can’t write a coherent paragraph to save his life. People wouldn’t notice him otherwise. Being an asshat doesn’t sell books, though.

            The few decent writers who have contributed stories to him have moved on, realizing that it’s not in their best interest to be associated with him. Marc Lyth and Macey Wuesthoff are two examples.

            Macey put out a novel through Amber Quill Press a few years ago, called Sacrifice. She can weave a story that keeps the reader interested. My only real criticism was that, as I was reading it, I could predict what was going to happen. Yes, that’s a fault, but it wasn’t enough to make me stop reading, because the story itself was compelling enough. besides, I wanted to see if my predictions were right.

            She broke ties with Nicky after the Quakes and Storms debacle, in which Nicky stole for his cover art a very famous National Geographic cover. When Nicky received a letter from Nat Geo’s lawyers, he blamed everybody but himself.

            I’ve lost track of Macey. She had some major health problems that don’t really ever go away, so I assume that’s why she sort of disappeared. She’s a real sweetie. I hope she’s doing okay.

    • Lewis says:

      In all honesty, Mr Campbell, I’m not entirely sure Nicky meant that insult for you. At the time he was deleting a lot of comments, from Mike amongst others, while leaving his crude responses. As such he might have removed the comment he was originally responding to and never noticed that it then appeared as though he was insulting you.

      On the other hand in his latest blog post he issued a challenge to you that I found a little insulting.

      I am even challenging my most famous critic Ramsey Campbell to try to write a horror take on creative nonfiction. I don’t think he can capture his horror in a true story.

  19. cussedness says:

    Don’t go insulting funnel cake. I used to go to farming fairs in PA with my aunt and cousins, and I love funnel cakes.

    • admin says:

      I do too. It’s just not something to eat more than once or twice a year. I prefer cinnamon-sugar on it, but powdered sugar is okay.

      Does anyone south of the Mason-Dixon even know what a funnel cake is?

      • Stinkycat says:

        Yep, I’m south of it. Funnel cakes are typical fare at festivals and lately a few times a year outside Wal-mart. I’ve even had one at a hockey game. I prefer the powdered sugar but dumping fruit on it seems to be popular. My mom is from PA, so she made them before I could find them here.

        Now I’ve never seen a roast beef walking sundae though! Fried turkey legs on a stick are popular here, but I can not bring myself to try that.

        • admin says:

          The other place they’re commonly found is on boardwalks. Maybe not right on the boardwalk, depending on local laws for street vendors, but within a stone’s throw. Although, if I’m at the shore, I usually opt for a frozen lemonade or an Italian ice. Maybe a lobster roll, if I’m really hungry. The thought of hot, greasy food in 95+ degree weather disgusts me.

          • Stinkycat says:

            I am so hungry for one right now. I’ve gotten them on the Atlantic city boardwalk before, and they were cheap but good. I really really want one now…ugh!

    • Melany says:

      mmm funnel cake. I may have to get one at the fair today when I go pick up my scarves. (2 blue ribbons yay!) I personally prefer a walking taco over the hot beef sundae any day 🙂 Cut open a snack size bag of doritos, add taco seasoned beef, shredded cheese, lettuce, and tomato, walk around eating it with a fork.

  20. cussedness says:

    His writing challenges are just hot air and shit on a stick. Back in 04, he challenged me (I did not know much about him then) and when J. L. Benet tried to set up some independent judges, Nicky threw a fit and demanded that the judges all be from among his contributors. So it fizzled.

    • admin says:

      Anyone who can write a coherent paragraph would beat him, given an impartial judging crew. But the way Nicky wants to run these contests is like asking Eric Holder to investigate himself, except with much faster results. The stories written by others will be declared “shit” before he reads them. All they have to do is land in his inbox. Once that happens, he’ll badmouth the author all over the internet.

  21. cussedness says:

    Nicky wants all the cards in his favor before he does anything, and even then he backs out. Back during the period when a bunch of us were using Journalscape, Nicky got one and promised that he would let his dectractors speak without him deleting it all. That lasted all of two days and then he was back to mass deletions.

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