Nicky’s been active on an old article at The Dirty. Evidently, it’s a warning about some DJ in Chicago that Nicky knows, whose name sounds vaguely familiar. The guy sounds like pond scum, judging from the original post, and the comments. Naturally, Nicky couldn’t leave it alone after a comment or two, and two months later, is still commenting.
A few EONs showed up to comment. It’s worth a read for shits and giggles, if you’ve got 10 minutes or so to spare. It really shouldn’t take that long, but will, if you pause to interpret the Pacionese along the way.
This is just one of many funny comments Nicky left:
Take him to Billy Goat Tavern. Cheezborger, Cheezborger, No Fries, Cheeps and no Pepsi, Coke. I will tell him how to even order it. “One double Cheezborger, Cheeps and a Coke.”
Wow! Nicky knows how to place an order with wait staff. Imagine that. Never in the history has anyone else ever figured out how to place an order for food. I noticed he doesn’t bother with niceties such as “I’d like a ______, please,” or a “Thank you,” as the waiter/waitress finishes taking the order for the table. I’m sure he doesn’t bother with “thank you” when the food or beverages arrive, either. Then again, on those few occasions when he has to pay for his own food, he gets a hot dog or a slice of pizza, ’cause that’s all he can afford.
I bet he doesn’t tip either! And here I’ve been ordering food in restaurants wrong for years it looks like!
Isn’t Peter Propaganda (of “Kilter” magazine) the real life model for Eugine Judas Verner ( of “Sinners Dance”) and Nickolaus Pacione (of “Ethereal Gazette”) the real life model for editor Bruce Philbin and writer Zorn Hritz (of “In The Depths”) in Pacione’s revenge story “Game Over”?
I’ve had a couple of lovenotes frtom nickydoodles. They’re just same old same old. He’s getting boring now. He thinks I’ve plagiarised him on twitter or something at the moment. I sent him a nice email in return pointing out that I just made more money from one short story sale than he’s made on his full anthologies $98 to be precise.
And pointed out again that my writing is a hobby – that I’ve won awards for on a local scale – which makes my hobby more successful than his entire career…
I’ll leave it till the next love note he sends me till I tell him I used one of his old story titles 😀
Oh, that “Cheezborger, no fries, cheeps, no Pepsi, Coke” bit is from an old Saturday Night Live routine. How old is it? I remember seeing it live on a saturday night.
Hmm. I don’t recall that one. I do remember the Roseanne Rosannadanna skits, the Steve Martin/Dan Akroyd “Wild and Crazy” barfly ones, and the Coneheads, but stopped watching the show sometime during the early ’80s, when Nicky was starting grade school.
Yep! That sketch would be The Olympia Restaurant!
Season 3, 1978
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/the-olympia-restaurant/n8658
Okay. I was living overseas in ’78. No wonder I never saw it.
That thread on The Dirty went ‘splodey overnight. I’m just now catching up with the fun.
I love that when Nicky doesn’t just read a website — he’s “chasing a lead.” What an exciting, romantic, utterly idiotic world “Scoops Pacione” has built for himself in his head. He’s like Les Nessman on WKRP, except without the lovable part. “I am a journalist” basically means “they have Google where I live.” He even quotes Facebook as a source! Go, Jimmy Olsen, go! Is there a fedora on his Amazon wish-list?
Nicky’s so happy to finally find somebody ELSE who’s a horrible human being that he tries to not only join the pitchfork-waving crowd, he struggles to become their leader. “Yeah, let’s forget about how awful I am for a minute and hate THIS guy, who’s accused of doing the same shit I’ve done! I wanna see what it feels like to be one of you!”
Some of the faults Nicky’s finding with him are pretty funny —
“He’s laughing at the cops on twitter — I knew he couldn’t hold a job down and he’s in a band.”
Just like Nicky — laughing at cops on Twitter, can’t hold down a job, and… oops, he’s not in a band! Guess that makes Nicky sub-scumbag.
Then metal-er-than-thou “old-school thrasher” Nicky quotes Nickelback. There goes the street cred! Your Limp Biskit shirt’s in the mail, Nicko me boy.
Next, after spending the whole thread trying to make it all about him, he whines at somebody, “Don’t make this about me.” Whoopsie! He goes on about how accusations of abuse can ruin a man for life… which is exactly what Nicky’s trying to do to this DJ jerk he barely knows but was apparently in the same house with once, which means it’s his responsibility to become Batman.
Then he complains about a site because it “cheapens writers,” and that may be the funniest thing of all. Nicky’s whole claim to BE a writer is the worst cheapening-of-writers possible. His entire “publishing” run is just a big Xerox machine that someone else operates. Same damn thing as a trip to Kinko’s. It doesn’t make him a “published writer” any more than me hitting the “Post Comment” button below will make me one. He goes off trying to claim he’s equal to Brian Keene because Keene does some self-publishing. Maybe he does, I don’t know, but long before he did that, Dorchester was PAYING Keene for his works. Cemetery Dance has paid him for his works. Other people have paid him to make films based on his works. He’s been hired to write comic books. He’s an author; other people have put money behind getting his work to the public so they can make a profit from it. Nicky is just a guy with a hobby. Nothing wrong with having a hobby, but don’t claim to be what you’re not.
And how sad is it that he remembers the YEAR someone said something nice about him? Getting a compliment is such a major event in his life that he marks time by it. “It’s been seventeen years, eight months, and fourteen days since Mrs. Jones told me I had nice penmanship.” If it was anyone who wasn’t as abusive as Nicky, I’d be really bummed out by that.
That it then proceeds to turn into a liberal-vs.-conservative argument (with nobody mentioning politics in any shape or form) and a treatise on the feeding of vegan cats makes it only more absurd. Godot’s gonna show up any minute now, riding Ionesco’s rhinoceros…
Oh, don’t go comparing him to Jimmy Olsen! Jimmy Olsen, for all his faults, is at least smart, resourceful, has a friend, and has a camera of his own. He didn’t try to get one by using half a dozen unsuccessful crowdfunding attempts!
What Guest said. Times eleventy. 😉
Dear Mr. Burke:
This message concerns complaint ID ******** submitted to BBB about your business on 8/22/2015 by Nickolaus Pacione .
The complaint listed below does not fall within BBB’s scope of activities. We do not pursue collection complaints. Therefore, it will not be reflected in your BBB Business Review. The complaint will be retained in BBB files for information purposes only.
As a courtesy we are forwarding the correspondence to your company for your review. You may wish to follow up directly with the complainant.
Should you have questions, please do not hesitate to contact us. We are happy to assist you.
Regards,
Lee Anne Lanigan
disputeresolution@columbus-ohbbb.org
CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE INFORMATION
Customer Information:
Nickolaus A. Pacione
3600 Walleye Road
Morris , IL 60450
Daytime Phone: 815-513-3387
E-mail: illinoishorrorman@gmx.com
Customer’s Statement of the Problem:
How do I begin Mr. Kealan Patrick Burke’s readers had plagiarized my work and he stole a possible client of mine as I was slated to design his book cover; he lives in Columbus, Ohio, and this is something that cost me a possible payment for my electric bill and other expenses as I operate out of my house to run my own publishing outfit. I don’t even have the words how unbelievable this is — I am slated to design this author’s book cover and this bastard took this client right out from under me. We’re both authors and born a day apart of each other in the same year and same month. I know that’s journalism fodder there but the thing is this stealing clients and enabling work to be plagiarized is unethical.
Desired Settlement:
I want to have damages paid for royalties lost and work lost which the royalties are up in the $1000s and this clients design work would had seen about $80.00 per book designed. Like him I work with CreateSpace.com and don’t get a lot of cash. I want an out of court settlement and this is going to go to the press because of his lack of college education too. When he refused to speak up about my work being stolen there is a lack of journalism ethics on his part.
* * *
I assume the “client” to which he refers is Dan Padavona, AKA Ronnie James Dio’s son, who Pacione has been cozying up to for the past two months, which makes it odd that he’d think I stole Dan away from him when I’ve been doing book covers for him since last December. Oh well, facts.
And I’m not sure where he’s getting this new “uneducated” bit from, considering I graduated with honors in Journalism from UCD, Ireland, whereas he has graduated in nothing but Alienation and Stalking from Asshole U, and yet tells anyone who’ll listen that he’s a journalist. Oh well, reality.
As of yesterday, a report compiling some of the more major complaints against him from various victims, including his attempt to extort me above (and via Paypal to the tune of $4500 “if you don’t speak up against Keene”), in addition to his first and only threat of violence against me in an email (“come to Chicago and I’ll beat you up in front of your girlfriend”) have been submitted to both the FBI and their cyber counterpart IC3. I suspect nothing will be done, but I figure it’s good to have all of this bullshit on record.
Sorry about the delay in posting this, Mr. Burke. For some reason, it got buried in my spam queue instead of sailing on through like it should have. it didn’t even get stuck in moderation. That was bizarre.
So, you got one of his infamous PayPal “invoices,” too. I believe the record stands at $5000. He’s sent me several over the years, but the most he’s tried to bill me is $4000.
I love how he stated that he wants an out of court settlement. He knows hiis case would be dismissed in a heartbeat by any sane judge, and even if it weren’t, the facts are such that he’d probably be ordered to pay your court costs in addition to his own.
Love how nicky thinks ANYBODY cares how his birthday matters in business dealings.
Good that you’re amassing evidence. The more documented evidence against him, the better. Eventually, either those Grundy County police will be looking at lawsuits or the very least, a PR nightmare.
I get the distinct impression the Grundy County Mounties are more interested in writing parking and speeding tickets than they are about their reputation. One local left a screed about some kids breaking into a house and trying to steal stuff, but the cops let them go, saying they couldn’t do anything about it because they were minors. Bullshit. Juvenile courts exist for just that purpose. I wonder how much it cost the kids’ parents to keep them out of court. When locals start complaining about that sort of thing, and the complaint goes unanswered, they already have a PR problem that doesn’t seem to bother them.
Sorry to hear he’s gotten to that level. Yes, I do believe he graduated from “Alienation and Stalking from Asshole U.” LOL.
Oh, and in reference to his comment on that site about me and Keene “paying” to use Createspace to publish our books. Any moron knows that you don’t have to pay to publish with them. You can choose to *buy* copies of your own books at a heavy discount, if you choose, but last I checked, that’s no different than any other publisher. Oh, and all the books Keene and I have done through there have been professionally published first. Pacione has yet to be professionally published anywhere, though he’s becoming quite prolific in police reports, if that counts as “fame.”
And why shouldn’t any professional writer use CreateSpace or Lulu or any other publishing service for self-publishing backlist or niche projects? Just because Peaches’s projects turn out looking like shit doesn’t mean people who know what they’re doing can’t get a decent-looking product out of the publishing services.
That thread is growing like X-the Unknown or The Blob. Looking at my text capture of The Dirty’s Peter Propaganda (PP) thread 30 Aug 2015 when it stood at 243 comments. (10:37am EDT 2 Sep 2015 comments stood at 456 but the 30 Aug load slowed my browser enuf that I stopped saving.)
Oldest first comment was two months old.
Nickolaus Pacione commented a month ago on his war with PP in reply to a month old comment by someone who recognized PP.
A few comments two months to a month ago when the article was fresh. Then nada. (One of the gun forums where I comment calls such threads Zombie Threads; administrators advise you better have a good justification to resurrect a zombie thread, especially if you’re being argumentative, or it’s lock-down.)
Then several Nickolaus Pacione comments 7 – 6 days ago in reply to two month and one month old comments. In NAP’s replies, he promotes himself as a journalist/author/editor offering to help bring down PP.
Then WHAM! EoNs arrived to warn people to Google Nickolaus Pacione before getting involved with him. (Actually some people had Googled on their own and found the Encyclopedia Dramatica article on Nickolaus Pacione or already knew about him.)
Of the 243 comments as of 30 Aug 2015:
93 from Nickolaus Pacione,
125 to or at Nickolaus Pacione,
218 of 243 comments .
Holy thread hijack, Batman.
Very boring morning, so I had time to do an update:
Of the 456 comments as of 11pm 2 Sep 2015:
150 from Nickolaus Pacione
262 to or at Nickolaus Pacione
412 of 456 comments either from NAP or to him.
And some of the 44 comments neither to nor from NAP are comments about him between other commenters.
The Dirty’s Peter (Benedetto) Propaganda thread is actually a Nickolaus Pacione thread.
But then the thread was dead until Pacione resurrected it, so.
And Pacione did make a comment two months ago on that article thread when it was fresh.
If the thread is open two years from now, any bets he won’t pop up out of the blue and start commenting again?